I’ve always had a plan for my life. I’ve always been thinking ahead, planning what my next step will be; for most of my life, I thought that was the only way to live. I was always unhappy with living in the moment, but instead looking ahead to where I’d be down the road. However, it’s important to remember to embrace what you have in the here and now.
I started planning when I was young. In middle school, I found a way to become an honors student. In high school, I planned out a way to become a varsity athlete; planned out which clubs to join and classes to take so I’d get into Binghamton University; and planned out exactly who’d I’d be friends with to better myself. By the end, I was wasting my time away dreaming of college.
A funny thing happened; most of what I planned came to fruition, but I wasn’t entirely happy. I was often stressed. I had an idea about how everything was supposed to work out, and I was determined to make my plans happen. I was overlooking the positive aspects of my life and almost forgetting to be happy.
In my head, when I arrived at college, my plan would have paid off, and I could just enjoy from there. Things didn’t work out that way, however. Instead of relishing in the culmination of my plan, I continued to make new ones, mainly focusing on law school.
I focused on how to be accepted at top law schools. I spent some of my time Googling which classes were the best to take, and I chose my majors — political science and English — because I thought that those two would best prepare me for what lay ahead.
But my planning didn’t stop there. Every morning I’d wake up and plan out my day almost to the exact minute. I had a very serious girlfriend for three years, and I was planning out exactly how she was going to fit into the rest of my life. After we broke up, another girl in my group of friends made me believe that we could be special, and I planned out how our potential relationship would change the dynamic of our friends.
Still, I wasn’t entirely happy. There was so much good in my life and so many reasons to be happy, but I still struggled to divert my plans. When my day would not go as I had imagined, I would freak out. My friends called me a grumpy old man; I was a negative person no one wanted to be around. When my relationship didn’t work out, I was lost. My life plan was in shambles.
When the girl in my friend group turned out to be entirely different than I’d imagined, I distanced myself from my friends because our group would never become what I once thought it would. It was also around that time that I decided I wouldn’t be attending law school. That decision led to a crazy thing; all of my planning stopped.
I can’t tell you why this is, but I think it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I no longer wake up every day and plan out minute by minute what I’ll be doing. I no longer plan out how people will fit into my life, and I no longer know what I want to do with myself after graduation.
I’ve never been happier. I’ve come back to my friends and made great new ones along the way. I’ve allowed for spontaneity in my life; I’ll choose to randomly go and play basketball instead of following my daily plan. I’ve also begun accepting people for who they are, instead of trying to change them to fit how I want them to be.
If there’s one thing I can say, it’s that having your whole life planned out isn’t necessarily the best way to live. You have to be happy with what you have in the moment, not searching, planning and imagining some distant day where everything will work out and happiness will find you.
I can honestly say I no longer know where I’ll be an hour after you read this column, let alone after graduation. But I’m definitely OK with that. For the first time in my life, I’m living in the moment. That is finally good enough for me.