LONDON — I’ve been a member of the Roman Catholic Church since birth. Am I a Catholic now? Depends on who you ask.
Since I graduated high school, I’ve questioned the strength of my faith and my attitude toward my religion. I am not against God, Jesus, the Bible or any teachings which help structure a devout Catholic existence. Though since I’ve been given the liberty to assess myself as a believer after 16 years of Catholic schooling, I’ve learned that the prodigal son and I are one in the same.
Yet the heart of my dilemma as a Catholic didn’t present itself until I visited the Vatican during my spring break.
Ironically, for a Catholic in limbo, I was thrilled by the opportunity to visit Vatican City and walk through St. Peter’s Basilica. Part of me felt like I had returned to elementary school — repeatedly making the sign of the cross as I walked around. As I roamed through the Vatican Museum, I even felt compelled to recite “Hail Mary” and “Our Father.”
As excited as I was, I couldn’t help but wonder why. For someone who forgets to pray and seldom attends Sunday Mass, what was producing this wave of delight for being at the epicenter of Catholicism?
I felt like an impostor with my camera in hand while other tourists knelt and prayed.
I realized, however, that I am not an impostor. My indifference to my faith lies not in my belief in God, but in religion.
In the end of the tale of the prodigal son, penniless and hopeless, the son returns home to his loving and forgiving father who throws a feast in his honor. The moral of the story is that no matter how far or how long one has strayed from God, one will always be welcomed back in the Church without judgment or scorn.
Would the same apply if one strayed from the Church, and not God? The Church serves as a home to all believers where they can unify, praise God and strengthen their relationship with Him. In reality, the Church is not as inviting as it appears. If God is truly omnipresent, I’d prefer to praise Him in the comfort and confines of my home or anywhere I see fit.
Despite the belief that one can return to the Church without judgment, those who have strayed often don’t receive a warm welcome back home. Most times, those who scorn the prodigal children are those who claim to be the most devout. But most devout can sometimes be the most sinful.
I’d prefer not to be in an environment where I am constantly judged for my sins, particularly by those who have their own faults. As a believer in God, I should be able to completely bear my sins in front of Him and His flock. He, as well as His followers, should understand that I am human and therefore, susceptible to wrongdoing. Everyone should be allowed to wear their sins like the scars they are because Jesus died for them.
There is also the dilemma of applying the rules of the Church to contemporary living. Neither the Ten Commandments nor the sacraments have changed, but the world has and continues to evolve. Our wired, sex-crazed, celebrity-dominated, fast food, fast-everything culture makes it quite difficult to rigidly follow the guidelines given to us so long ago.
Perhaps there is a way to juggle being a 21st-century believer, but it can’t be done perfectly. Something inevitably has to be sacrificed.
So, I’m a flawed believer and I’m not the only one. But if we truly accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, do well unto others and live our lives as peacefully as possible, why shouldn’t we call ourselves Catholics? If we love God and are good citizens, that should be enough.