Last winter break, I was sitting around my coffee table catching up with my greatest friends from home. Laughter was all the neighbors could hear. As we reflected on the past and vented about our current classes and family, I couldn’t help but become overwhelmed with a wave of sadness. I thought, why? How am I sad while I am surrounded by my greatest support system?
I attempted to listen to the conversations we were having. We all went around, sharing stories about the selected topics, and that’s when my mind caught up with my emotions.
Relationships. This was all we were talking about. Two hours later, we were still talking about friendships and boyfriends, yet I had a million things to say and couldn’t find my place.
As many of you I am sure feel, college has enabled us to discover a new sense of who we are. At least for myself, it has enlightened me to new privileges and opportunities, allowed me to recognize where I find my strength, and where I want to focus my energy.
I would be lying if I said relationships, friends, parties, dinners and various social environments weren’t part of my college life. The people in my social life keep me sane and ensure I am always as happy as I could be.
Yet, the other part of my college experience is what I struggle to share with my old friends. While I have always cared about people, I wouldn’t have considered myself a true advocate until I entered college. While I have always been a good student, I wouldn’t have considered myself a dedicated student until college. The people I have met through campaigning, internships, group discussions, Shabbat dinners and various environments have taught me the importance of taking what you’re passionate about and doing something with it.
It is these relationships, these new ideas, conversations, successes and failures I have that I wish to share with my old life, yet I have found that to be very difficult.
The confident girl I am here fears coming off as fake to my old friends. We have all changed since college, whether that is for the good or bad. With every stage in life, comes a new defining quality; yet why have we developed these judgmental labels creating rigidity in our transformation?
I recognize that part of this fear has developed from my own mind, for I know that as my friends hear about the experiences that are important to me, they will inquire more, but I will argue that the other part has developed from the power of our language.
“Fake” or “basic” are two words constantly thrown around. We envision a certain kind of person, and when the physical characteristics and personality don’t align, we struggle to accept the two.
I’ve been told I am a bad feminist because I get my eyebrows done. I’ve been told I promote sexual assault because I go to parties. If we continue to place these irrational judgments on those wishing to explore our identities, the mobility in our society will stay at a standstill, and our confidence we obtain as we explore who we are will disintegrate.