Alright, alright, not all of them. This is coming from me, the guy who has Spidey columns comprising half of his Pipe Dream repertoire. So, what does the title mean? I’m talking about the integrity and quality of the character, particularly in the comics. The comics are often the blueprint of the character. You might be thinking “Spider-Man is awesome, he has such cool movies. I love Tom Holland.” I’d respond by saying Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield are better by a mile, but that’s not the point. The point is that Spider-Man hasn’t boasted any quality comics since 2005.

Alright, again, an exaggeration. Let’s go back to where it all started, and it’ll make sense. Spider-Man is a famous icon. I don’t need to tell you how he can swing from webs, crawl up walls or always does the right thing. Spidey is an awesome character. What many people forget is how his comics are pretty much soap operas. Yeah, they got a ton of action, but the other half is full of Peter Parker’s personal drama. Everyone thinks of Mary Jane (MJ) as the ultimate love interest, but Pete has had dozens of girlfriends and flings.

This is the main draw of Spidey comics — any hero can get into cool fights with colorful villains, but Spidey’s personal life is just as interesting — if not more — than his superhero escapades. Why? Because his life was well-written. Most of the time his personal life revolves around super juicy and dramatic love triangles. All these romantic interests aside, there’s no doubt that MJ, Peter’s college sweetheart, is central to Spider-Man’s personal life. Their romance was on and off for a bit, but they finally went steady and got married in the 80’s. This was crazy for Spider-Man’s character plot.

Peter always had to lie to his girlfriends and keep his identity a secret. It was MJ, out of all of them, who actually knew the truth about his alter ego. On top of that, once they got married, the status quo of Spidey completely changed. Now the question wasn’t “is Pete gonna get the girl?” It was “is MJ gonna be lonely or suffer because of Pete’s responsibility as Spidey?” It added a new layer to the character, although, admittedly, it can get a bit played out. It’s safe to say most fans enjoyed the marriage and some didn’t. You can’t please everyone, but, if you’re Marvel, you’ll try to have your cake and eat it too.

Through a string of long-winded events, Peter and MJ’s marriage falls apart. Yes, I know it sounds stupid. Here’s the low-down. The editorial team of the Spidey comics wanted Pete and MJ to break up for years. They had this really antiquated mindset that a Spidey who was married was more boring than a single Spidey. They also didn’t want to divorce them, since it would have made Peter seem “old.” So what did they do? The short version is they reset the universe of Spidey to keep everything the same, except Peter and MJ never got married. This storyline is known as “One More Day” (OMD) and it is widely maligned among the Spidey community.

The OMD story ruined Spider-Man. It retroactively altered a ton of stories and put Peter and MJ’s relationship on ice for close to 15 years. Writing about it pisses me off to the point that I don’t even know how to describe it. The post-OMD Spidey comics were the definition of a mixed bag. Some stories here and there were good, but most of them were just average or bad, and some were straight-up terrible. Many fans stopped reading Spidey comics after this point due to how drastically the character was changed. Is this a bit overdramatic? I don’t think so.

The same thing can be said nowadays — Spidey’s modern comics suck. There’s no progression for the character. He’s in his 30s. He’s got no wife. He’s failing at every turn — he’s just a damn loser. Spidey always struggles, but he also always finds a way to overcome these struggles. The current Spidey comics are just the writers making Pete’s life miserable. It’s disheartening as hell to read. There’s no damn hope for the loyal fans.

Well, there kind of is — not in the main universe comics at least, but in another story. “Ultimate Spider-Man” (2024) is a reboot of an older Spidey series. It’s similar to the main universe, but just slightly different. Peter is 35 years old, married to MJ and a father of two children. Yeah, I’m not lying. Why is this a big deal? Because fans have wanted this to happen to the main Spidey in the comics for 20 years. This series is very new — there are only two issues, but it is adored by fans. All I can do is support it and hope the main comics learn more than a thing or two from its success.

Nicolas Scagnelli is a senior majoring in English.

Views expressed in the opinions pages represent the opinions of the columnists. The only piece which represents the views of the Pipe Dream Editorial Board is the Staff Editorial.