Cheating is one of the worst and most common relationship-related sins. It completely goes against the traditional values of monogamy and ends most relationships instantly. So why does it still happen?
I’m tempted to say that a lot of it depends on the individual. And in an emotional sense, it does. Someone who is insecure with him or herself and the relationship may be more likely to cheat than someone who is more confident. Some people have a false sense of entitlement. Some people just like sex and don’t place emotional value on the action, and as such they feel it shouldn’t have an effect on the status of the relationship. In that sense, it varies.
Still, the simplest explanation is scientific. The concept of monogamy isn’t natural.
Men are naturally programmed to spread their genes, and women are naturally programmed to get the best possible genes for their offspring. Monogamy doesn’t exactly serve both of these very natural concepts well.
In fact, it has been discovered that even animals that were thought to mate for life, such as the bluebird, shag and mallard, have relations with others of their species on the side, just like humans do.
It’s also a common belief that men are, shall we say, less monogamous than women. That’s also true based on evolutionary theory. Males of most species are typically programmed to spread their DNA as much as possible to increase the odds of passing their genes on to offspring.
Women, on the other hand, are naturally pickier. The risks are higher for women than for men since they have to go through the pregnancy process and, as such, they typically wait until they find men who live up to their evolutionary standards. Of course, that’s just in a biological sense.
There’s also more of a social stigma against women having affairs than men. Think about it — when was the last time you heard a man get torn apart because he was less pure or whatever from cheating? If a man cheats, he’s typically called an asshole, but people move on quickly.
Women, on the other hand, are typically seen more as damaged goods. It might just be all of the feminist discussion I’ve been having in classes lately, but it’s interesting to note that there might be a social or emotional reason that it’s less likely to see a woman cheat on her partner or spouse as opposed to a man.
I personally think cheating is a cardinal sin in a monogamous relationship based solely on trust. Monogamy is based on wanting to have someone unwaveringly in your life, to serve an emotional need as opposed to a physical one. I’ve heard it said before that your first marriage is about love, the second about furthering yourself and the third about companionship.
None of these other than the second has a biological basis, just an emotional one, since in modern-day society, the idea of having a healthy mindset is more important than passing on genes. As such, cheating creates doubt in relationships, creating a negative atmosphere that may then ruin the positive emotional feelings desirable of monogamy.
Cheating is interesting in that it depends on how you look at it. From my perspective it sucks and warrants immediate dismissal of a partner but then again that could have to do with my desire for monogamy. Biological studies show that monogamy isn’t normal, so maybe the idea that it’s our emotions that are wrong deserves a little thought.