All the single ladies, or really anyone without a significant other, this one goes out to you all. This one goes out to anyone who thinks they’ll be alone forever. It goes out to anyone who thinks that the only future they can foresee is one involving an excessive amount of knitting and daytime TV.
You are not alone. When I was in high school, I had terrible luck with boys. My first kiss was weeks after senior prom and I high-fived him when it was over. All throughout high school, I saw people getting together, breaking up and making up, and I wasn’t involved in any of it. As a perpetual third wheel, fifth wheel and seventh wheel, I became accustomed to complaining about my situation. I always received the same response, “You’ll meet so many boys in college, it’s nothing like high school.” After some experience, I’m here to say that that’s not always true, but for anyone who is riding the same wave as me, it’s also perfectly OK.
When I first got to college, I got a taste of Downtown life and it was quite a surprise. It felt like all my fellow partygoers were able to send out pheromones that I just couldn’t. There is no experience quite like trying to dance with two friends while both of them are being hit on from separate directions. It started to get to me that no one seemed interested in dancing with me to “Ignition (Remix)” in Tom & Marty’s. Was I not dressed up enough? Was my personality off-putting? Did I make a mistake when I switched deodorant brands?
When I finally managed to play some NCAA tonsil hockey, it did nothing to improve my self-esteem. If anything, it made me feel worse. Sure, I was glad I got it out of my system. I wanted to know that I was capable of going out and hooking up like all of my friends. What I realized, however, is that being “capable” is both a warped concept and a terrible way to think about yourself.
So out of all the things I have learned in college so far, I have found this to be the most important. To anyone who feels alone: You shouldn’t have to find validation on the JT’s dance floor. Now that’s not to say that there is anything wrong with having some fun on a Friday night, or any night for that matter. It’s just so important to make sure you’re hooking up for the right reasons. You both want to have fun? Great. Do you like them? Great. Is it love? Great. Are you doing it because you feel like you have to? Not as fantastic.
Perhaps one of the biggest factors that fuels this is the rhetoric we always hear about college and even more specifically, hook-up culture at our age. “It’s your 20s! Have fun! You’re young! You’re in college! Go out! Hook up!” These are just some of the phrases that are ingrained into the “ideal” college experience. But having felt awkwardly rejected or just plain ignored one too many times, I’ve come to realize that not only is this lifestyle unrealistic, but it’s also not for everyone. If it is for you, then that’s great, but for those who feel left out, know that your luck in hook-ups and love are not a measurement of “how great your college experience was” and, even more importantly, of who you are as a person.
If you don’t have someone to be with now, then you will later. As Baz Luhrmann once stated in his song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen),” “Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,” and as I once stated, “Maybe you’ll grow old with someone, or maybe you’ll move by yourself to Venezuela and start an organic farm.” But whatever it is, it will be because it’s what is right for you (and whatever other person might be involved). There is no one “right” way to experience college. Let all the awesome things about you as a person validate you because that’s what truly counts.