Recently, one of my friends experienced the death of a close family friend from home. This young woman passed in the prime of her life at age 20. Her life, like yours and mine, was documented through social media on several of her own accounts and those of family and friends. And so consequently, the news of her death appeared through these channels.
Today, the easiest way to express what’s going on in our lives is to post on social media. And unfortunately when tragedies happen, our instinct is to express our pain. We do so through the mediums we are most accustomed to, through Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. But we must be careful in how we communicate the death of a loved one in such a public space.
News of this young girl’s death flooded social media in the same way a Buzzfeed link or YouTube video spreads through a newsfeed. The sister of the deceased found out about this horrible news while casually scrolling through her Instagram. She didn’t get a phone call. She learned her sister died through a #throwback #RIP post from one of her sister’s friends.
How horrible would it be to find out about the death of a close family member from a social media account? What does it say about our generation’s attitudes toward death when a family member learns about her sister’s passing on Instagram and has to call her mom to inform her?
I understand that posting on these types of accounts is our generation’s way of processing tragedy. It offers a way to cope with what has happened and face the reality of the situation.
However, I’ve seen these types of posts become more than just a message to honor someone that’s passed or a mode of properly saying goodbye.
Rather than providing an avenue to reflect on the sadness of loss, social media creates a contest where mourners compete over who is sadder over said person’s death. As if the more heartfelt the message, the more likes it will get on Instagram, which as everyone knows, determines our true worth.
Sometimes the person posting simply wants attention or sympathy because something terrible has happened.
At other times, posting a #funeralselfie on Snapchat is merely a chance to show everyone how good they look despite the heartbreak they’re experiencing. I’ve actually witnessed that blatant narcissism. It is truly disrespectful.
When posting about deceased persons on social media, we must be attentive to the effect upon other friends and family still trying to cope with loss.
Does it do them any good to constantly have their own social media accounts inundated with pictures and posts about their loved one that is gone?
I know it may help them to see how loved and cherished their daughter, son, sister, brother, etc. was. But it can make it harder to move on when there are constant reminders of their loss.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t be allowed to honor someone’s passing on social media with pictures and kind words. But we must draw the line at some point.
If you did not have a legitimately personal relationship with said person, there is no need to publicly display your sorrow for their passing. No one should be forced to talk about their grief publicly unless they choose to do so by posting themselves. The accompanying pressure to ensure everyone that they’re “Getting better, thanks” is not fair. Everyone should be able to overcome loss in their own time. Give friends and family the virtual space to grieve properly.