When my editor sent an email out to all the senior columnists to write one last column to reflect on their time in Binghamton, I didn’t know what to do. To be honest, I’m pretty much out of material. So I took to the streets and obtained perspectives on Binghamton from you, the student body. And Ryan Vaughan.
I first approached Rebecca Evans, an undeclared freshman, about her initial impressions of Downtown Binghamton and whether she’d ever go home with Rasa von Werder, the buxom State Street vixen.
“I think Downtown is the classiest set of establishments I have ever set my sights on. I would only go home with Rasa if she wasn’t under the influence. That would be taking advantage of her drunken state,” she told me. Enviable morals.
I subsequently asked Mallory Kotik, a sophomore majoring in cinema — and my cousin — what her biggest accomplishment in college so far was.
“Not ending up in Binghamton General after a night out,” she explained.
I followed up by asking about her biggest regret, to which she responded, “Not ending up in Binghamton General after a night out.” We are definitely related.
When I asked Benny Vuong, a junior majoring in integrative neuroscience, about his most memorable night in Binghamton, he was left mum.
“If I told you, no pharmacy school would ever accept me,” he said.
His least memorable night?
“That’s probably every night in Binghamton,” Benny said.
I concluded my questioning by asking him what comes to mind when he thinks of Binghamton. He responded, “Trendy city kids and loose Long Island girls.” How true.
Intent on hearing about a classic night, I asked Jason Cutler, a senior majoring in biology, if he had any good stories. He told me this tale.
“When I was a freshman, my suitemates and I ordered Chinese food that was supposed to be delivered in 40 minutes. Three hours later, after complaining on the phone with the restaurant, our order was delivered — without my meal. At that point, I was watching my friends eat while telling me how delicious their food was,” Cutler said, spinning his tale.
“Eventually, we all piled into a car and stormed into the restaurant. I complained and was compensated with FREE FOOD. Now as I tell this story, it doesn’t sound very epic, but it truly was. Even today, my friends still make fun of me for screaming on the phone how we waited ‘THREE HOURS’ for our food.”
I continued to ask Jason if he had any parting words for Binghamton’s underclassmen.
“Work hard and have fun. Four years go by really quickly,” he advised. “Before you know it, you’ll be graduating and your friend from Pipe Dream will be asking you questions about your experience at Binghamton for his last column. In all seriousness though, Binghamton is a great place; enjoy your time here, because before you know it, it’ll be over.”
We’ve covered numerous students’ outlooks, but how about a professor? To learn some philosophies on teaching in Binghamton, I asked Ryan Vaughan what he wants students to get out of his class.
“It seems like every day I say, ‘If you learn nothing else from me this semester, it should be that,’ about the stupidest thing I stumbled on that class,” said the man, myth and legend. “I just want everyone to be able to say, ‘Remember that one professor who wouldn’t stop talking about Britney Spears’ vagina? He had an awesome mustache. Oh, and he gave me a high-five one time.'”
When I asked him what comes to mind when he thinks of Binghamton, he swiftly replied, “When I think of Binghamton, I immediately and oddly think of Betty White: old, gray and disturbingly wet.”
What I have written above is what Binghamton means to me: my peers. It’s been a pleasure writing for you for these past few months, I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have. It’s been fun. Peace. (Drops mic and leaves.)