It’s hard not to sound incredibly cliché when giving general advice or talking about lessons you’ve learned along the course of a journey. Of course, expressions like “expand your horizons” or “do what makes you happy” have only become hackneyed because they are genuinely good pieces of advice — but we already know these statements, so I’ll try to spare you.
I’ve tried to think about some of the things I would tell a young Madison if I had the chance. As is the case with anyone, there are a lot of things I wish I had known, but I will just share one sentiment here.
I hear a lot of people say “never give up.” This idea is inspiring, and if you really love what you are doing and have faith in your own success, you shouldn’t give up. But I’m going to give a different message: sometimes, it really is OK to give up on something.
I’m serious — there are plenty of situations where the best thing you can do is give up and walk away. Not only is that sometimes the best option, but it is often also the most difficult one. Coming to terms with the fact that whatever goal you’ve been trying so hard to reach just isn’t going to happen, and that it’s time to move on, takes courage. Strength is not digging at an empty barrel; strength is accepting yourself and your own capabilities and letting go of what isn’t productive in your life.
The word “quit” tends to have a negative connotation but there is nothing wrong with altering your dreams to fit your skill set. In fact, that is what you should do. You may dream of being a mechanical engineer, but if you can’t get through Calculus I, this probably is not a realistic dream for you, which is OK. Walking away can save you from stress, poor grades and more failures down the road.
I was on Binghamton University’s swim team during my freshman year. I’ve been swimming since I was six-years-old and, like everyone else, wanted to swim Division I when I got older. Twelve years later and I was doing just that, but hated swimming. I literally dreaded swimming from the moment I woke up in the morning. Don’t get me wrong — being on the team here was an honor — but I hated the sport. This was accompanied by the fact that I just wasn’t as good as I used to be at a younger age when I initially decided to pursue Division I.
Swimming was a waste of valuable time, so I quit. It was a huge part of my life and it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that I struggling to improve. Sucking it up would have been easier than altering my life so drastically. Quitting was one of my proudest moments, however, because I decided for myself that I was done being miserable and acted on it.
You’re not a failure because you cannot succeed at one thing — there isn’t a person in the world who can succeed in everything. Spending valuable time doing something you aren’t good at, especially if you don’t love it, won’t get you far.
Your preferences and skills change throughout life, and your goals should change with them.