Freshmen! Welcome to Binghamton University, it’s lovely to have you. I hope you had a decent first weekend in college. Perhaps I gave some of you a tour of this lovely campus. Actually, I most certainly did. If so, please say hi to me around BU, it’ll make my day. In my two years here I’d like to think that I’ve learned something about college, so here is some advice for your freshman year.
First off, if you’re upset that you’re at BU, it’s time to relax. After being here for two years, let me tell you: this place is great. I absolutely love it and I’m not just trying to emulate a brochure. Once I walked outside of a bar Downtown and I stepped on a lobster. It was bizarre, but an awesome story that I now like to share at parties. Those things don’t happen at Yale University (not that at any point I was going to go to Yale). Speaking of Ivy Leagues, it’s safe to assume that some of you are just waiting it out in BU until you are off the waitlist for Cornell University. That’s fine, but try not to treat BU like purgatory, because it’s not. Some of us are in it for the long haul and are looking to make this place our home. Even if you don’t think you are going to stay here, give this place a chance. It might surprise you.
For those of you who are beginning a long and illustrious four years here, welcome to the club. It’s going to be awesome if you give it the good-old college try. Speaking of clubs, they are not overrated. Join them. Find the things you are interested in, go forth and prosper. If you are currently thinking that you want to wait it out a semester to “get settled in,” don’t. Starting out in your first semester is important. It’s how you make friends, even if you’ve already gone out with your entire College-in-the-Woods dorm floor. Trust me, you’ll retain like five of those people, max. Also try something you haven’t before. Yes, that’s cliché, but I really can’t think of another time in your life when you’ll have such an easy time getting your own public access television show.
Another important topic: going out (obviously). Watch out for your friends. Watch out for your frenemies. Watch out for everyone around you because it’s the right thing to do. If you see something that doesn’t look right, you can say something. If you’re embarrassed that you intervened, you can just blame it later on being drunk. But you don’t want to be the person who could have helped but didn’t. Don’t be an idiot. Don’t let your friends be idiots. If you have a friend who is blacked out and is trying to go home with someone, take them home instead. Help out a person who needs it. You’ll have plenty of other nights to have fun; you can take one night out to make sure a person doesn’t become a headline the next day. Going Downtown can be fun, but be smart about it.
On a parting note, think twice before automatically overlooking Late Nite Binghamton. They brought a kangaroo once, that was awesome.