Are you in a relationship right now? Are you in a situationship right now? Are you hooking up with someone right now? Either way, all of these “matters of the heart,” as they are called are really challenging. Shoutout to all the people in situationships right now — having fun with that person, anxious if they’re doing stuff with other people — they are by the way — and worrying about having that “what are we” talk. I always hated that stupid bullshit and, recently, I came to a conclusion — you should NEVER settle while dating.
Now when I say settle, I mean “settle for something lesser than what you desire.” I think settling down, as in going steady with someone in a relationship, is awesome — that’s honestly my preferred type of romance. Loyalty and love beats casual sex and talking to multiple people — also known as a big massive fucking headache — every day of every week. What I’m saying is don’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t tick your proverbial boxes for what you want in said relationship.
It sounds so obvious. Why the hell would you date someone who you don’t like or you aren’t emotionally attached to, or you aren’t physically attracted to, or doesn’t respect you, or doesn’t do x, y and z? Well, as obvious as it sounds, I believe it’s all about FOMO, or the fear of missing out. It makes sense to me — I’ve seen people (ME AS FUCK) who have gotten into relationships with someone who ticks only a couple of their boxes and not the rest. By these boxes, I mean they fulfill what you are searching for in a relationship. I’ve had friends, aka me, being fucking stupid, who have dated people who don’t fulfill all their needs, but instead of not getting into a relationship, they think “oh, this attractive person likes me a lot and that attention and love fulfills me, so I’m gonna ride this out and maybe they’ll change.”
That’s a fucking lie. I know this because I have been there and done that, sweetheart. It’s fun to be in a relationship with someone who likes you, but, holy shit, expecting that they’ll live up to the idealized version of them you have in your head is a fucking recipe for disaster. That’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t fall in love with someone because of who they might turn into. That person is not them — don’t hold onto that hope. Again, don’t settle for less.
When I was younger, I used to think “oh this really pretty girl wants to be in a relationship with me, if I screw this up, I’ll never find anyone again.” Again, bullshit. Don’t settle for someone just because they’re the only person who has loved you in a while or whatever arbitrary reason you can think of. Have some damn standards and self-respect. That’s how relationships turn sour. You stick with a person because you think they’re the end all be all. You stick with them even when they do things like hurt you, disrespect you, humiliate you, constantly pick fights with you, break your boundaries or treat you like shit. News flash, that ain’t healthy. For them, but especially for you.
It sucks to say, but it also comes down to the fact that sometimes, the wrong people end up falling in love with each other. I said what I said. Sometimes, people who aren’t good for each other, who won’t work out, end up in love. They end up attached, so when the relationship gets shitty and they know it should end, they don’t, because they’re scared of getting hurt and being lonely. How fucked is that? Being attached to someone who isn’t even good for you, just because they show you love and attention. Hey, I’ve been there, believe me, and I bet you have too.
At the heart of all this, it comes down to what you want. When I was way younger, I was talking to people in my life about a girl I liked, but I wasn’t crazy attracted to her physically. I told my dad, I told my mom, I told my close friends. I didn’t know what to do. Emotionally, I was super attracted to this girl — she was everything I really wanted — but, physically, I wasn’t feeling it. Everyone was telling me the same thing, but one of my friends said to me “you shouldn’t settle or think she’s the end all be all because there is someone out there for everybody.” Her telling me this fucking hit me like a freight train.
It’s so true. It’s easy to think “what if I give this person up?” Deep down, we know if we truly want someone and the reasons we want them for. If you can’t imagine yourself being with someone, but want to just because they meet some of your expectations in a relationship, do me a favor and don’t. Wait because you will find someone who does it all or gets as close as possible to it. Everything happens for a reason, and, like my friend said, there’s someone out there for literally everyone. We’re each just one person of literal billions. Don’t settle, because you deserve better. Trust me.
Nicolas Scagnelli is a senior majoring in English.
Views expressed in the opinions pages represent the opinions of the columnists. The only piece that represents the views of the Pipe Dream Editorial Board is the Staff Editorial.