It is no secret that new parents face all kinds of stress and sleepless nights. Even when they’ve read all the parenting books and done all their research, it’s still a brand-new experience. Plus, where one book will advocate for one strategy, the next will slander that same approach by talking about why nobody should never try it.
Parenting is hard enough without everyone giving you a different angle. This can be referred to as backseat parenting, or “when a person — it could be someone with whom you are acquainted or a total stranger — approaches you and tells you about what you should be [doing] differently in raising your child or children.” Many parents face issues concerned with backseat parenting, often when their parents or other older family members think that they know better.
Parents, especially mothers, who are the subjects of mass media attention, have it worse. “Mom-shaming” is incredibly common, with 60 percent of moms having experienced it. Ideological paradoxes arise in these criticisms in such a way that it seems like moms can’t do anything right. One mom will get lambasted for choosing to not breastfeed her child, while another will be berated in much the same manner for breastfeeding in public. For mothers, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Celebrity mothers uniquely have these critiques coming from all angles. It’s not just their cranky mother-in-law who’s criticizing their every parenting decision, but the whole world. Recently, during an interview conducted with Meghan Markle, the interviewer asked her if she was okay, and Markle’s answer was blunt: “Not really.” She admitted that it had been a struggle to assume all of her new roles as a new mother, as a newlywed and as a member of the royal family. Many were touched by the video because it became clear what a raw moment it was for Markle. She even went so far as to thank the interviewer, saying “Thank you for asking, because not many people have asked if I’m okay … It’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes.”
Amy Schumer also faced harsh criticism when she made the decision to go back to work around two weeks after she gave birth to her son, Gene. She posted a picture on Instagram of herself onstage performing stand-up comedy, and several people on social media made some disgusting comments. One tweet read, “Like, I can still smell your placenta.” As an avid Twitter and Instagram user, Chrissy Teigen is no stranger to mom-shaming either. She has been criticized for everything from using IVF procedures for her pregnancy to going out to dinner after daughter Luna was born. When she was criticized for not breastfeeding after her husband, John Legend, posted a picture of her bottle-feeding their son, she responded, “John never breastfed Miles.” There’s a reason it’s called mom-shaming and not dad-shaming — this criticism comes down harder on women than it does men.
Whoopi Goldberg said it best on her show, “The View”: “Some of us who were mothers a long time ago don’t remember what that time is like.” Many older parents, people who have become grandparents, have forgotten how frightening and stressful it is to be a new parent. Many of us who are not parents find it easy to point out the flaws in others’ methods, even though we do not understand the pressures they face.
Living one’s life in the limelight is not an invitation for commentary. It is important to be cognizant of these women’s struggles and lend them some compassion — I’m sure they could use it.
Jessica Gutowitz is a junior majoring in English.