In the past year, the Internet has become saturated with discussions of introversion. The topic is probably a bit overplayed by now, but I don’t think it gets the treatment it deserves. A lot of these glorified blog posts give us the sense that introverts are all anti-social people choosing to stay inside and watching Netflix all day. And this vision couldn’t be further from the truth.
The tendency toward introversion is caused by how social situations are cautiously interpreted, processed and reviewed. And most of the time — but not always — social anxiety plays a big role.
This is my fifth and final semester at Binghamton University after I transferred here in the fall of 2012. For three of these five semesters, I had no friends. Yes, I had zero friends for the majority of my time at BU. And why was that? I could say it was the struggle of being a transfer student who lives off-campus, but that’s an easy answer. It’s an excuse, really.
The real reason I was friendless is because I suffer from social anxiety that stems from obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. No, that’s not the disorder where one ritualistically repeats behavior. To put it simply, it’s a disorder of being a control freak, and it results in developing methods to avoid social situations which cannot be controlled. I’ve developed quite a few, but they don’t always translate well into the college setting.
Introversion and college don’t really get along. We are pressured to join clubs, to make friends, to date, to have sexual encounters, to party and create four years of fond memories. Well, I’m at four and half years now and I can count the number of parties I’ve gone to, the number of intimate partners I’ve had and the number of clubs I’ve joined on one hand.
But I hold no regrets. Why should I, really? There’s no changing the past, and the way I’ve lived my life the past four years will mean something later on. And if it results in a future which sucks, so be it. At least I’ve learned something from my atypical college experience. Awareness and clarity are unbelievably valuable at this age, and I’m glad I approach my problems more objectively than before. Although I’ve certainly outgrown bad habits, there’s still work to do.
If you’re a freshman, a transfer or even a student knee-deep in BU who feels very anxious about social engagements or getting yourself out there, don’t worry. The comfort zone cliche is true — you have to break out of it at all costs. Your breakthrough doesn’t have to be one loud attempt. My suggested method for tackling comfort zones is to ask yourself, “What is preventing me from becoming what I want in the future?” If you only concern yourself with present discomforts and immediate concerns, you will make choices for the sake of instant relief, not steady progress.
I’m not saying you need to become extroverted (no hard feelings toward extroverts, by the way) and change everything about yourself. Embrace your inward personality. Utilize your alone time wisely. Use your introversion to your advantage. Make sure your friends know how you feel too, because nothing is worse than being pressured by people who can’t see that you are introverted or socially anxious.
If you have a friend who seems introverted, don’t pester them. Don’t call them a loser. Leave them be (but not alone). I’ve been lucky to make two friends at BU who acknowledge the kind of person I am, and I hope every other introvert has the same good fortune. I’ve met a lot of cool people through those two friends, and I got to do it comfortably. From this, I’ve learned that college is not about having the same experience as everyone else. It’s about discovering yourself from the inside. And the people who want to go about that quietly should always feel empowered and satisfied in doing so.
– Andrew Henry is a senior majoring in English