Growing up in a largely “red” area of upstate New York as a brown girl with Democratic beliefs, a lot of my friends’ political ideals contradicted mine but never to an extreme level; it’s hard to connect with people who are openly against you. Even though we struggled with political divisions at times, it was manageable.
When I came to college, many of my friends expressed to me how weird they thought it was that I had Republican friends. I had to explain to them that I did have boundaries, but as long as they weren’t right-wing extremists, I could potentially befriend them.
It’s essential to recognize that while politics define much of how we see the world, it does not fully dictate what makes someone a good friend. In feminist or racial justice movements, the idea that “the personal is political” can overshadow the connections we share with others. Politics undeniably influence us, but it doesn’t account for all the nuances of human interaction — political beliefs don’t “get” small moments of connection like shared laughter, mutual respect or the support we offer each other in times of personal struggle.
Building friendships with people from different political parties can be challenging, especially because some people make their political views their entire personality and cannot fathom the idea of being around those who disagree with them. Others may view certain beliefs as blatant disrespect to their human rights. Both cases are completely valid, but it’s unlikely that friendship can blossom with these perspectives.
Of course, it’s hard to connect with someone when they are fundamentally different from you, but it depends on the person and you should never make quick judgments about someone just because of their political party. There’s more to a person and a friendship than political views, and in cases where people hold less extreme beliefs, it’s definitely possible to befriend someone you disagree with using intentional effort and openness.
Here are some tips on how to foster those relationships:
1. Find common ground: While political beliefs are important, they’re not the only defining aspect of a person. Focus on shared interests like hobbies, values or experiences you both enjoy. Sports, music, food, books or common professional goals can be great ways to connect.
2. Practice empathy: When people feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to listen, so try to understand why someone holds their beliefs. Instead of focusing on winning the argument, take a moment to listen to their experiences and understand how these might have shaped their views — you don’t know how people were raised and how they may change as they grow older.
3. Avoid assumptions and stereotypes: It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know exactly what someone from the “other side” believes, but every person is different. Challenge stereotypes and approach each person with an open mind rather than as a representative of a political group.
4. Be respectful in conversations: Political discussions can become heated, but it’s important to remain calm and respectful. When disagreements arise, try to stay focused on ideas rather than personal qualities. Using “I” statements rather than “you” can help make political discourse less confrontational. For example, statements like “I see it differently because…” instead of “you’re wrong because…”
5. Be open to learning: Be curious and willing to engage with another person’s perspective, even if it goes against your own. Sometimes, listening to opposing views can expand your understanding of other’s beliefs and your own, even if you ultimately disagree.
6. Set boundaries: If politics is too sensitive of a topic, it’s okay to steer the conversation in another direction. If you’ve already decided your differences about politics are something you’re unwilling to look past, then it may be best to keep certain topics out of conversations to preserve the friendship.
7. Focus on personal connection: Remember that friendships are built on trust, kindness and shared experiences, not on agreeing about everything or finding your spitting image. Building a deeper personal connection can help bridge political divides and may remind you that this person is a part of your life for reasons beyond their political viewpoints.
8. Agree to disagree: Understand that you can’t always convince each other to change your views, and that’s okay. The key is respecting each other’s right to have conflicting opinions and not letting that define your entire relationship.
As for my own boundaries, I value varied political views, but I also have nonnegotiable stances on issues like human rights and equality — and these are important to establish. My Republican friends, who are not vehemently against me or my identities, tend to care about issues like economic growth, job creation and national security, which I can sympathize with even if I don’t always agree with their approach. As long as these conversations don’t veer into hostile territory, we can share meaningful experiences despite our differences.
While I don’t actively try to convince my friends to change their views, I try to listen and understand — this is where empathy becomes essential. Friendship should not be about winning arguments but about fostering connections that allow both parties to feel seen and heard.
These friendships can be tricky to navigate, and they don’t always come naturally, but through intentional effort, we can focus on what we have in common — not our political differences. At the end of the day, while politics certainly influences our lives, it shouldn’t dominate our relationships. What we share on an interpersonal level often outweighs the labels we wear in the political realm.
Friendships across political divides can be deeply rewarding because they provide opportunities to challenge our own beliefs and expand our perspectives. They may not be for everyone, but a possible connection with someone should not be rejected and left unexplored because of the assumption that it simply wouldn’t work out.
While there are situations where political differences cannot be looked past, take these steps before making that decision. You never know what you may learn and the friends you may miss out on.
Suhiliah Lall is a sophomore majoring in cinema.
Views expressed in the opinions pages represent the opinions of the columnists. The only piece that represents the view of the Pipe Dream Editorial Board is the staff editorial.