Moving on is about confessions, right? I’m putting my best ball forward and telling the world a few secrets without the help of a Facebook group.
1. Andy, that time we got drunk in 15 minutes to enjoy one hour of Downtown, I threw up.
2. Tina Ritter, you literally can still log in as “TiniRitter.” I wasn’t joking.
3. The Rat, I wasn’t 21 until a few months ago.
4. I’ve submitted a Bing-U Secret “Hinman consistently smells like 3 asses.”
5. Kristen Dale, that one time I was “doing a bunch of laundry” the whole day, I actually just transferred my clothes from one washer to another washer before drying them.
6. I went Downtown one time just to go to Binghamton Hots.
7. I wrote in that textbook before I returned it.
8. I laughed way too hard when I saw a student modified my eighth grade Earth Science textbook by changing every instance of “ripples and mud cracks” to “nipples and butt cracks.”
9. I brushed my teeth in the shower one time just to say that I’ve done it.
10. One time I drove with a friend to go hiking in a national park 50 minutes away. We couldn’t find the entrance so we just drove around and sang really loudly for an hour or two and drove back.
11. I laughed when I saw that “Gay Street” in Binghamton is curved and not straight.
12. In high school, when we would sign in and out of the bathroom so they could crack down on drug use, I used to sign my name as “Derek Party.”
13. I was diagnosed with senioritis really early in September 2012. I’ve been recovering slowly ever since.
14. Every single time I’ve seen you, you’ve been wearing cat ears. That’s the only thing I know about you.
15. I filmed part of my senior film while I was naked.
16. When doing an anonymous survey in class, I filled in the “name” section of the bubble sheet with “Radley, Boo.”
17. I messaged the wrong friend the phrase “wiggle the ween” one time.
18. I made friends with that little mouse in the cinema editing room. He likes dubstep.
19. I sat in the front row for Neil deGrasse Tyson and he spit on my arm by accident. My GPA has gone up since then.
20. I don’t know a lot of the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” I usually just sing some similar syllables, and people never seem to notice.
Ah … finally, a clean conscience.
Bye Binghamton. You were pretty cool.