As the school year is winding down, many students are counting the days until they can pack up their things and return home. The thoughts of seeing loved ones, eating home-cooked meals and a three-month respite from schoolwork tantalize us as we push through our final exams. But for some of us, the anxiety begins after finals week. Returning home after a year of newfound freedom and liberalization can be a daunting task. How can we go back to the life we’ve lived so long ago?
Afraid that you and your mother might accidentally find each other’s copies of “Fifty Shades of Grey?” Maybe that your brother will discover your ambiguous back tattoo that you’ll then have to blame on early phases of leprosy? No matter where we’re from or who we live with, college kids have to readjust to their old, yet new, abodes.
At one point or another, we realize that we might have ideologies differing from our families’. Maybe the subtle allusions to Rand Paul’s divinity or misguided micro-aggressions spoken at family gatherings never bothered you in high school, but now you’re an adult with the option to articulate your own opinions in a respectful way. Your family may still think of you as a child and they’re not wrong. But now it’s time to break free and assert that you will not be subjected to curfews or watching “M*A*S*H” reruns.
Even a summer day job can’t protect us from our father’s nightly interrogations or our mother’s laments about the way we cut our hair. The key to maintaining a healthy and less intrusive relationship with your parents is being honest but establishing boundaries right off the bat. Here are five tips to ensure you survive your summer and ensure your recently asserted autonomy:
1. Get your mom a Netflix account. She’ll forget who you are in no time, to the point where you’re better off getting maternal affection from Michelle Duggar.
2. Put all your taboos in your sibling’s room. If you don’t have a sibling, place the blame on your five-year-old niece. When your parents realize that you don’t have a niece, share your narcotics with them. Sometimes parents are cooler than you think.
3. When your parents bug you for information about your sexual or romantic life, don’t lie. Be honest and tell them that you routinely pleasure yourself to baby photos of Steve Buscemi.
4. Don’t leave your parents out of the hip, new lingo you’ve acquired over the past few months. Educate them about the sharp new rhetoric such as “basic,” “bae” and “ham radio.”
5. Whether you’re trying to combat the freshman 15 or the junior 45, don’t say no to delicious home-cooked food. Accept it graciously and stockpile it in your room until next semester. Three-month-old lasagna is still better than Pandini’s.
Through it all, we love our families and the support that they give us. In a couple of years, when we’re unemployed, we’ll be glad that they love us enough to let us stay on their couch.
Kristen DiPietra is an undeclared sophomore.