Faculty and staff gathered in the University Union on Friday to kick off Valentine’s Day weekend with a talk by Binghamton University psychology professor Richard Mattson on cultivating healthy relationships.

Mattson based his discussion on three main topics, which included how relationships can falter, what differentiates happy couples from unhappy couples and what treatments are available for unhappy couples.

According to Mattson, there are several reasons for unhappy relationships, and what brings people together is not the same as what keeps people together, which is known as the “emergent distress model.” At first, a relationship can be about simple things such as deciding where to go to dinner, but as the relationship continues and commitment increases, stressors start to arise.

Mattson also said that some problems that arise are not new, but have remained dormant throughout most of the relationship. There is also what he labeled the “disillusionment model,” which identifies some people as having unrealistic ideas about who their partner is and what a relationship or marriage entails.

When discussing what differentiates happy couples from unhappy couples, Mattson focused on communication. According to him, a happy couple avoids negative conflict, and is willing to engage in conflict productively.

For example, if a partner responds to negative behavior with negative behavior, usually no resolution will be reached and this can lead to unhappy couples. However, if one responds to negative behavior with understanding and willingness to discuss that behavior and try and solve it, then progress can be made.

Mattson discussed several things that could act as treatment for unhappy couples. The first suggestion was communication, which has proven to be very successful in most cases given that everything else is OK in the relationship.

“Communication is huge,” Mattson said. “[It] facilitates forward progress in any type of group or organization.”

Mattson also mentioned relationship counseling, stating that the success of counseling is very subjective and depends on the couple as well as the counselor. However, he focused on the benefit of putting the problem into a third-person mindset and looking at the problem as if it were the problem of another couple.

“I can see clear as day what’s going on with another person,” Mattson said. “But, I could be doing the same thing and have no idea unless somebody tells me.”

Mattson brought up a paradoxical solution in which ceasing attempts to solve the problem actually solves the problem. Forcing change can make issues worse in many cases, since so much emphasis is placed on the problem itself. By coming together and accepting the issue and not doing anything about it, it can sometimes dissipate.

The event was hosted by the Employee Assistance Program for faculty and staff to attend. Stephen Rebello, the assistant director for and an academic counselor at student support services at BU, said he enjoyed the event, and was interested in the research behind it.

“I didn’t really know the theory or research behind [the techniques that were out there], so learning about that was interesting,” Rebello said. “I thought it was very helpful for not only romantic relationships, but all relationships.”