Jeremy Stevens and Joey Porter taking shots at each other can’t possibly be this exciting.

For a Super Bowl being billed as XL, the pregame hype has proven to be more XS than anything. So, for those of you looking for a reason to watch this Sunday’s game, other than the pressure of doing the same thing 80 million other Americans will be doing, here are a few you can consider.

First, there is the uncertainty of live television. You have to love that when the Patriots and Panthers played one of the greatest games in Super Bowl history two years ago, the only postgame talk was concerning Janet Jackson’s body art. Sideline interviews can also make for good fun. Where else are you going to find an NFL great ask to make out with Suzy Kolber?

There is also the social setup for watching the Superbowl, which is a lot more interesting than you think.

With so many people watching, the ratio of people who care to people who don’t is far worse than it is the rest of the season. Those of you actually trying to watch will find yourselves tuning in at kickoff, but soon after other groups of people will interfere.

First, there are the people who won’t stop pretending they know what they’re talking about. You really wish you could slap them, and you convey this to the person next to you, and they commiserate. You get to talking with them, forgetting the TV is even on, reminded only when cheers or boos cascade down onto the players when something happens. And your attention no longer being on the game, the advantage goes to the fan without a clue.

Then there are the people who just won’t shut up. The one who psychoanalyzes every play and thinks everyone cares as much as he does about the special teams blockers. He’s cocky, arrogant, eats all the Tostitos and pizza, and usually turns out to be the guy you invited, never expecting this. And since you can’t uninvite him — and even if you try he’ll think it’s sarcasm — once again, advantage to the annoying fan.

Finally, there’s the hot girl factor. Women always complain that guys only care about sports and sex. In fairness, they’re right. But here, they converge, creating a situation that drives men crazy: the inability to choose between the two. For the real fans who manage to avoid being disturbed by the know-nothings and know-it-alls for the first part of the game, this becomes painful to succumb to, but a great sideshow for everyone else to enjoy.

At times the fight between the brain cells wanting sports and those wanting sex can virtually be seen doing battle, each trying to pull the torn male towards its respective side. The guy tries to flirt, but hears the game come back on and his focus becomes split. He tries to follow the game but his attention keeps shifting back to the woman, and every time the woman seems like she has the game beat, a score or costly penalty will bring the guy right back.

If a woman ever wanted to see a guy totally helpless, all they have to do is watch this poor individual try to pick the girl or the game.

And then there is listening to John Madden. If you want a great reason to watch, I mean really, who doesn’t love to mock John Madden?

OK, yes, there are a few good reasons to watch. It would be nice to see head coach Bill Cowher finally win the big game after 14 years in Pittsburgh, and Jerome Bettis is the ultimate professional with one last crack at a title. It would also be nice to see the Seahawks bounce back from their disappointing finish last year to bring a title to the Pacific Northwest, where they are starved for some attention beyond being blamed for the prices at Starbucks.

And if these reasons aren’t enough to entice you, don’t feel bad. It’s fine to stand your ground and not watch a game with no real story lines. You may feel like the only one not watching, but the pressure doesn’t get to everyone. I mean, there are still a few people who aren’t on facebook…

All that being said, the crystal ball tells us… 30-24 Seahawks.