This past week I had the pleasure of being bombarded with two tests and a 20 minute presentation, all within a three-day time frame.

Being a typical foot-dragging college student, I managed to save a hefty portion of the reading for the very last few days before the exams. While I cannot blame anyone but myself for the time constraint I encountered, I can, however, share my thoughts about the people who made it a more blood-sucking experience than it really had to be.

Usually when there are only a few days left before a test that you haven’t done the reading for, one needs a quiet place to engage in the self-torture known as “cramming.” The option of doing the reading in your room is almost always scratched off the list immediately, considering all the distractions encountered at home, including television, computers, heroin … you know, the usual. The second option available is to sit in a “study lounge” which each dorm is equipped with, but when classes run all day, the time or willpower to run back across campus between classes is nonexistent.

The only option left standing is to be a constant refugee to the noise of the outside world in the silence of the library, specifically in the quiet study rooms.

So off I went to the magical world of stillness where all you can hear is the pages of textbooks turning and highlighters being dragged along said pages. If only this were the case each time. In a place where each tiny noise is magnified, the sound of a whisper sounds more like it’s coming through a megaphone. You can imagine my dismay at the kids who have decided that they already paid their dues to studying, and that it’s all right to whisper right next me while they take their study break.

There is no shorter fuse than the one of a sleep-deprived crammer who has overdosed on lattes.

The most diplomatic thing you can do is to subtly give an annoyed look to the offenders while attempting to ignore the noise. But, of course, that never seems to work, because the diplomatic approach you have chosen to take is all too restrained, and biting your tongue has done more damage to your tongue than you see fit to endure in the name of academia. At this point, if the hot beams drawn from your eyes haven’t driven the noise away, one may clear their throat with a tactful “EHHEEMM.”

However, in the most extreme cases even this ceases to have an effect, which almost always results in an awkward and confrontationally drawn out “SSSHHHH!” While this does the trick, there has been time wasted on my exasperation with the situation and my typically fragile concentration has been drawn away from my books.

So whisperers, spare me (the entire population of crammers and studiers) and step outside before you start listing exactly what kind of debauchery resulted from your previous nights’ overdose of Jager Bombs.