From the birth of American culture, little girls have been draping pillowcases over their heads like veils and planning their own versions of ‘happily ever after,’ generally including marriage from some age around 25 to ‘ oh, say ‘ ’til death do us part.’ But if we were to tell a truer tale or modern society, it would surely include a few more plot twists, like second and even third marriages, same sex unions and many years of voluntarily singlehood.
According to an article published in the New York Times on Jan. 16, more than half of women in the United States (51 percent reported in 2005) are living single ‘ that is, not sharing a home with a spouse ‘ for the first time in history. This trend has been on the rise since 1950, when the number was 35 percent, and it continues to climb.
Although divorce seems like the obvious culprit, as single parent homes become more common and many of us are opening presents under two different Christmas trees (which isn’t so bad), the divorce rate is not currently rising but remains high at around 45 percent.
In fact, according to Dr. Albert B. Lichtenstein, adjunct associate professor of psychology, director of behavioral science and senior associate director at the Guthrie Family Medicine residency, ‘People still value marriage,’ and plan to be married for most of their lives.
But in an era when shows like ‘Engaged and Underage’ and ‘Sex and the City’ seem to deride getting hitched early and glorify the single life, it seems clear that marriage is taking a backseat, at least early on in life, to careers and personal growth.
The decline of marriage as the central institution of the American family ‘ or at least the American household ‘ raises a number of important questions for our generation. Is marriage going to be wiped out eventually? Are we jaded by so much divorce? What does this decline mean for our proverbial ‘happily ever after’?
According to Dr. Lichtenstein, the choice to delay marriage for women is largely based on their increasing economic independence and the fact that most young people now go to college.
‘Starting in the ’50s if you asked a woman why she would go to college it was ‘to find a good man,’ he said. ‘Women now have more economic opportunity, more professional opportunity.’
Binghamton University freshman Alex Haines shares this sentiment and is glad there is less ‘societal pressure’ to get married.
‘In the past, a woman’s only purpose was to grow up and get married,’ she said.
Haines plans to focus on pursuing a career in music before even thinking about marriage.
But despite opportunity and independence, our generation still plans to get married ‘ just not too early. This seems to pose a conundrum for young people, especially young women, who crave independence but still fear becoming the proverbial ‘old spinster.’
According to several BU students and current scientific research on marriage, the single woman/’old spinster’ line lingers around 30. Currently the average age for a woman to get married is 25 and 27 for a man, according to Dr. Lichtenstein. Many women of our generation can’t imagine being married at 24 but shriek in horror at the prospect of being single at 30.
For Dina Boccuzzi, whose 24-year-old sister recently got engaged to her boyfriend of six years, settling down seems like an all-too-final decision.
Though she is happy for her sister she admitted, ‘Secretly I’ve been thinking, ‘Are you sure?’
Senior Anjuli Bose said she definitely wants to be married by the time she’s 30, but she said getting married earlier is a risky choice, echoing the sentiment of those who fear walking the single/spinster tightrope.
‘I feel like people definitely change a lot at this time of life,’ she said. ‘It’s not a good idea to get married young.’
And with almost half of marriages ending in divorce, it seems possible that the children of Generation Y might be too jaded by joint custody and fights over child support to believe in marriage.
The data on children of divorced parents remains controversial in the field of psychology, but according to Dr. Lichtenstein, there is evidence that suggests some children of divorcees may be choosing cohabitation over marriage. He also added that the rate of cohabitation has increased ‘probably tenfold’ in the last several decades.
The freedom to live alone and have sexual relationships without getting married has made marriage less of a necessity for young women.
‘It used to be that if a woman moved out on her own she was of ill repute,’ Lichtenstein said. ‘The mores about what it is to be single have changed over the last hundred years, maybe over the last 50 years.’
Women have also gained the ability to decide when to become sexually active and when and how to become mothers. With the availability of birth control, women no longer feel they have to wait to get married to have sex, or to have a child, for that matter.
But does this mean marriage will become unnecessary?
It’s not likely, according to Dr. Lichtenstein and, well, science in general, but for some BU students it might mean the end of monogamy ‘ at least for now.
Bose said that she has been ‘involved’ for four years with a guy who she is not dating exclusively. ‘We know that a relationship between us would never work,’ she said, but ‘amazing chemistry’ keeps their flame alive.
Some of BU’s lady Bearcats are looking forward to holding on to their freedom to stay single.
Carly Maughan, a senior majoring in music, who recently ended a two-year relationship, said her boyfriend ‘kept talking about the future,’ and it made her want out fast.
‘I just kept thinking, ‘I need to be single,’ she said.
Maughan plans to travel the world as an ethnomusicologist and has no intentions of staying still (or monogamous). ‘I don’t know how anyone would want to be with me,’ she said.
When asked if open relationships were the future of dating she answered emphatically, ‘I hope so!’
Though marriage is decidedly here to stay, the role it plays in American culture and in the lives of American women continues to change. But one thing is for sure, BU women aren’t going to college ‘to find a good man’ these days. In fact, many of them are hoping to find several.