Stephen Colbert thinks you’re an apathetic slob.
At least that’s what he said during the first of his two sold-out shows at Cornell University’s Barton Hall on Friday.
Between accosting viewers with a T-shirt launcher and fighting off a stuffed bear, Colbert revealed what he thinks of our generation, his presidential run and Ivy League schools.
‘What is fucking wrong with you people,’ he said, mocking the crowd of fans who said they would vote for him for president. ‘I’m a fake and a fraud.’
Colbert shed his TV persona as the stubborn talk show host of the hit Comedy Central show ‘The Colbert Report’ and performed stand-up as himself. He was on tour promoting his new book, ‘I am America (and so can you).’
The audience, which included parents visiting students for Cornell’s parents’ weekend, was derided for using Colbert’s and Jon Stewart’s shows on Comedy Central as their primary news sources.
Even on his feet and away from a camera, Colbert’s brand of quick wit and joking insults mimicked his confidence on the air.
The satirist drew roars of laughter when he took a poll of students who were informed about current events through his nightly program.
‘This is Ivy League, shame on you,’ he said. ‘I make stuff up.’
Despite the scolding, fans reveled in Colbert’s observation that YouTube videos and blogs were not the equivalent of activism, and that college students were largely ignorant and apathetic.
‘It’s you people I’m not particularly impressed with,’ he said. ‘You are the most coddled generation of all time ‘ Where is your passion?’
And despite Cornell’s Ivy League status, Colbert pulled no punches when taunting Cornell or its alumni.
From Janet Reno to Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Colbert mocked the ‘hot hot ladies’ who have graduated from the institution (including Ann Coulter). Cornell, he added, offers a ‘degree in smugness,’ since icons like Bill Maher are also Cornell alumni.
The numerous astronauts who call Cornell their alma mater ‘ and who drew applause from the audience ‘ were not safe from Colbert’s critical eye.
‘Evidently there’s something about Ithaca that makes people want to flee the earth,’ he quipped.
‘My understanding is that many of you will be dead come spring,’ he said. ‘They find your frozen bodies in the gorge, clutching a 4.0.’
But Colbert also offered words of more practical advice for college students everywhere, telling the crowd, ‘The world is waiting for you with a club.’
He also encouraged the audience to have ‘end of the world sex’ in college, since current affairs make the fate of the world so uncertain.
And, speaking of sex, Colbert continued to promote his book, noting that reading it is like losing one’s virginity: it’s scary while it’s happening, but after, you want to tell all your friends.
A brief question and answer session yielded ecstatic fans who wanted photographs, hugs and even yearbook signings from Colbert, but mostly they sought answers about his now famous presidential bid.
‘No, I don’t actually want to win,’ he joked. ‘I just want to fuck with you.’