To do my part in providing quality entertainment during this dark, dark time of striking writers, I have done my best to create some potential hit TV series to tide us through the holiday season. I can’t hope to upscale the inimitable writing talent of those Hollywood wits, but I’ve taken a leaf out of their book and put new titles on old ideas.

‘College Musical’ ‘ This story traces the lives of college kids battling the trials and tribulations of higher education, and includes such refreshingly transparent song titles as, ‘Your Friend is Hot,’ ‘I Don’t Want Anything But You (At Least Until Your Roommate Gets Back)’ and ‘Finals Are Final!’

The best part is, if nude pictures of the lead actress appear online, they won’t ruin plans for the sequel!

‘Survivor: Family’ ‘ With the holidays fast approaching, ‘Survivor: Family’ would undoubtedly attract millions of viewers. Imagine a group of strangers inducted into your own family, trying to cut it in Grandma’s kitchen. Priceless.

If we set about 20 people loose on a family for the holidays, I think we could run a tremendously successful season in just a few short weeks. Better yet, be sure to throw in a variety of religions. That’s your hook.

‘The Real World’ ‘ Take this classic staple of MTV ‘ what could possibly make it better? Reality. Nothing screams ‘real world’ like some nonstop action that you can relate to. If it starts to get boring, I’m willing to donate some of the elements of my life that make my every day a rip-roaring adventure for the whole family. Seriously.

This could be even more fun if Nintendo comes out with an interactive Wii game.

‘Law and Order: Victims’ ‘ ‘Law and Order’ has seriously neglected one of its biggest spin-off options. Sure they’ve got the Special Victims Unit, but what about the victims who don’t pull through? This would go particularly well with our lack of writers, since you’d only have to do a little back story, and then when the character dies, you could just throw some dead air up on the screen.

‘The O’Reilly Repor(t)’ ‘ It worked for John Stewart, it worked for Stephen Colbert; I can’t think of anyone funnier than Bill O’Reilly. This has the added benefit of attracting horror movie afficionados, who comprise a typically difficult-to-reach demographic in the realm of television.

‘America’s Next Top Super-Shopper’ ‘ Remember Tickle Me Elmo? Remember stories of crazed parents brawling over the last Barbie in the store? Now picture this: Contestants compete for an exclusive contract with the maker of this year’s hot toy (whatever it is) and win events by becoming the most effective consumer. Effective, not efficient. Al Gore has the market on efficiency cornered, so we’re going to stick to that age-old theme of consumerism.

Since it wouldn’t be America’s next top anything without Tyra, she’ll be giving an eloquent review of each shopper’s tactics during the elimination rounds. We’ll ask her to use her words instead of prehistoric groans and incomprehensible insults.

‘American Idol: Talent’ ‘ I think we could run an abbreviated season of Idol with a great response, particularly if we added talent. Or not. It might be fun to run several of Hollywood’s most infamous divas against each other and see what happens.

This will be a real hit if we give them drugs, alcohol, children and cars ‘ something for everyone!

I know these are just pitiful attempts to recreate the former glory days of television, but I sincerely hope that the dire need of mind-numbing television can be at least partially assuaged by my contributions.

If you need some more airtime filled, just let me know. My main goal in life is the creation and promotion of thought-provoking inquisitions into the human condition. Like TLC movies.