Move over tofurkey, there hasn’t been a meal as lame as you since the famous “Lima Beans con Brussel Sprouts and Crystal Clear Pepsi Lunch Debacle” of 1991. It’s turducken time.

The turducken is the perfect food for those who are not of the herbivore persuasion. Turkey, mmm. Duck, mmmm. Chicken, mmmmm. All three at the same time, mmmmmm. The turducken is quite possibly the single most American dish there is.

The turducken was made famous when football commentator John Madden began awarding it to the winning team of each Thanksgiving day game he worked. Some say as you eat the turducken, you can actually hear Madden commenting: “The goal in chewing that meat is to make it easier to swallow, Al.”

Although Madden is responsible for much of the turducken’s notoriety, its origin can be traced back to Hebert’s (pronounced A-bears) Specialty Meats of Tulsa, Okla., where an 8- to 10-pound turducken sells for $59.95, and a 14- to 16- pound turducken goes for $74.95. According to Hebert’s Web site, their turducken not only comes with the traditional turkey, duck and chicken combination, but also cornbread dressing and pork sausage stuffing. That’s meatylicious.

Actually, come to think of it, that tofurkey doesn’t look too bad … maybe with a little ingenuity I can just squeeze it into the chicken. Turduckenfu, mmmmmmm.

According to the Food Network’s Web site, a turducken is prepared as follows:

1 18- to 21-pound turkey, skin intact and boned, except for drumsticks

House seasoning, recipe follows

Cornbread dressing, recipe follows

1 3- to 4-pound duck, boned

1 3- to 4-pound chicken, boned

3 cups cornbread dressing

Paprika

Brine:

1 cup kosher salt

1 cup brown sugar

1 gallon water

To make the brine, mix salt and sugar with the water. Brine is ready when the mixture is completely dissolved. If the water is heated to quicken the process, make sure it is cooled to room temperature before placing meat in. Let the three birds sit in brine in the refrigerator overnight.

Preheat roaster to 500 F.

Lay turkey skin side down on a flat surface. Dust turkey with seasoning (salt, pepper and garlic powder) and add 1/4-inch layer of cornbread dressing. Lay duck skin side down on top of dressing. Dust duck with house seasoning and add 1/4-inch layer of dressing. Repeat with the chicken.

Begin trussing up the turkey at the neck. Insert metal skewer about 1/2-inch from the edge and up through the other side. Run butcher’s twine between skin and skewer and tighten to draw both sides together. Continue down to legs. With every other skewer, draw together the duck and chicken skin. Tie together turkey legs to resemble standard turkey. Dust turkey skin with paprika.

Roast turducken for 15 minutes. Then turn the roaster down to 225 F to finish for approximately three hours. Remove turducken from roaster once the internal temperature in the chicken reaches 155 F. Let rest for at least 20 minutes before carving.

Cut across and completely through the middle of the breast. Plate thin slices containing turkey, duck and chicken.