Throughout the past three weeks, the name Alex Rodriguez has been synonymous with greed, bad public relations and the man who is responsible for it all ‘ agent Scott Boras. In that time, it is presumed that the parties involved had the following thoughts:
News reporter during World Series: It appears that Scott Boras has sent a press release to announce that Alex Rodriguez has opted out of his contract with the Yankees.
Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman: Wow, is Scott serious? I guess A-Rod doesn’t want to even hear our offer. And that’s a shame, too. We were prepared to give him the richest contract in the history of sports. But we said we’re not going to negotiate and lose that $21 million subsidy from the Texas Rangers after that contract, so I guess this is goodbye.
Scott Boras: Alex, don’t worry. You’ll get your money on the open market. Players like you don’t come around often. The Angels, Dodgers, Mets and probably Boston will surely pay up. And by pay up, I mean starting offers at $300 million ‘ at least!
Alex Rodriguez: I hope you’re right, Scott.
Yankees Fans: Who needs A-Rod anyway!? All he cares about is money! He never meshed in the Yankee clubhouse and choked in the playoffs. We’re a better team without him!
So Alex Rodriguez and the Yankees go their separate ways.
Cashman: OK ‘ we can trade all of our prospects for Miguel Cabrera ‘ no that doesn’t make much sense. Hmm. Is there anyone on the open market? Mike Lowell’s probably going back to Boston. Where are we going to get a replacement for that type of production?
GMs of other teams: Sorry, Scott. We just don’t have the capital to sign A-Rod.
Rodriguez: Um, Scott, where are all those teams that you said were interested in signing me? And look at all this bad PR I’m getting. There’s no team that has a bigger stage and signs bigger checks then the Yanks. I got to do something about this.
(A-Rod makes public statement saying he wants to re-negotiate with the Yankees and is willing to take a lower contract to make up for the $21 million loss from Texas, and also repair his tarnished image.)
Cashman: Well, as long as he’s taking a pay cut from our original offer, then we don’t look like fools for saying we won’t negotiate if he opted out. Let’s bring A-Rod back to the negotiating table!
Rodriguez: Hey, Scott. I think I can take this one from here. You’ve done enough damage.
Boras: Talk about needing to repair a tarnished image.
Yankees Fans: A-Rod’s back with the Yankees!? I knew he cared about winning! He’s going to help bring another championship to New York! The Yankees are a better team with him!
The Yankees have reached an agreement with Alex Rodriguez on a 10-year, $275 million contract, and both the Yankees and A-Rod live happily ever after.
The End