Seeing as how I am an active advocate for the au natural and am constantly getting walked in on, I should probably be writing the article opposing boarding on campus.

But all the nudie revelries (my own and other freedomites’ included) couldn’t keep me away from the dusty, drama-filled, pot-scented box where I lay me down. You can complain about living on campus all you want. Roomie, you can complain about ALL the dudes you’ve been walked in on with, ALL of ’em, but you can’t deny the fact that living on campus is the only way to wake up 10 minutes before a class and still creep in on time.

Living on campus is for the whimsical, the open-minded, the strong hearted ‘ the lazy. You have to be able to trade your code of cleanliness in for the prospect of promptness. This morning I went to the bathroom, in which the toilet bowl was not flushed, but yet I forged on unhindered and, mid-pee, I pondered, ‘But why is there no TP in the Poo-P?’ As it turned out, someone just decided to use the whole roll and neatly put the entire roll back on the metal rack. To my dismay, I spotted the bit o’ poo a bit too late. But a little doodoo on your digits is better than being marked tardy in my book. These defiled hands were takin’ notes in 10 minutes flat, baby.

Alluding back to the poo scenario, who would want to clean that mess? Not me. That is why I am happy I live in a dorm ‘ because I won’t have to clean it. There’s no fighting over whose turn it is to scrub the bowl, buy TP or get the hair out of the shower; there’s just communal livin’ and kumbaya circles.

There is also being caught red-handed doin’ the deed, but hey, everybody’s a voyeur, right? And an exhibitionist, and a frotteurist ‘ besides, afterward you can run next door and be like, ‘Eeeeww, ew, ew,ew, I just saw Kadine Nohane licking Mike Hunt’s ______.’ So enjoy the graphic sweaty scenes while you can ‘ you’ll miss them when you graduate, I promise.

Succinctly, living in a dorm is what college is all about ‘ you have your whole life to worry about utilities and plumbing. For now, why don’t you just worry about locking the door before you get busy and buying a lot of hand sanitizer.

Maya Fiks is a sophomore.