Let’s be honest for a minute ‘ when was the last time you drank the jungle juice at a party and actually remembered how you ended up lying naked and face-up on a picnic table in the CIW Commons?

Yeah, sure, maybe it was funny to tell everyone at the DH the next morning about how you had to crawl through that bush and find your pants because you were ‘soooo waaaaasted’ the night before, but we’re willing to bet that when you’re waking up naked next to some sleazebag you don’t remember meeting ‘ or even worse, waking up in Lourdes Hospital with a catheter shoved up places we never want to know about ‘ it won’t be so funny anymore.

Last week the University sent out a warning to students via B-Line advising us to exercise caution when consuming unknown beverages at parties, particularly of the brightly colored fruity type being served out of garbage cans or plastic storage containers.

At first we kind of rolled our eyes at the mock-parental concern, too. Silly University, always thinking it can bring down student drinking through scare tactics. But then we considered the fact that they did have a bit of a point: the warning was in response to a string of students having to be dragged to local hospitals when their BACs started to resemble their GPAs.

We didn’t get a chance to actually test out this little experiment, but we have a theory that if we left a jug of punch out at a party and labeled it ‘Roofie Colada,’ not one person would be deterred from drinking it. (For those who have been living in a bubble for all of college, ‘roofie colada’ is a slang term for a beverage that has been contaminated with Rohypnol, a common date-rape drug).

Our bet is that all of the girls would just giggle to their friends about the silly name, then proceed to get inebriated enough on the mystery Kool-Aid to let males of all levels of attractiveness take advantage of them. And let’s once again be honest: a fair amount of the guys would also be dipping into the rape punch in an admirable but misguided attempt to ‘get trashed’ at all costs.

So party throwers beware: think about what you’re dumping into the punch before you put it out. Yes, grain alcohol is stronger and cheaper than other liquors, but you won’t really be thinking about the $20 you spent on the punch when you’re facing the consequences of having a freshman die of alcohol poisoning on your front lawn.

Remember, hell hath no fury like parents whose dear little Bobby is now lying in a hospital bed with the worst hangover of his life because of your punch ‘ obviously they know little Bobby would never knowingly consume alcohol, so it must have been you monsters who spiked the punch and laughed as Bobby’s vision and hand-eye coordination became more and more like that of a legally blind toddler.

We know that no one likes a preacher, and everyone (including us) wants to have fun and enjoy a few tasty beverages with friends on the weekend. All we’re saying is exercise a little caution and good sense when drinking mystery punch because we don’t want to see you die, and we certainly don’t want to suffer under the booze rules-backlash that your alcohol poisoning would cause.

Not to mention: the punch is for freshman wimps anyway. Just man-up and drink beer.