After the breakup of a long-term relationship, it’s natural for one to feel tension between the comfort of a previous relationship and the idea of being alone.
In cases such as this, people may sense the drive to fall back into an old relationship instead of becoming single. As most college students know, this complication can lead to stress, confusion and anxiety. This mix of feelings leaves people searching for a solution to this age-old problem.
Dr. Donald Glauber, a staff psychologist at the Binghamton University Counseling Center, explained what aspects to achieve and avoid during one’s pursuit toward a healthy relationship. These tips can help to determine if returning to a previous boyfriend or girlfriend is truly the right option.
To first understand one’s attraction toward an ex, Dr. Glauber explains a possible reason why a person would want to return to their significant other.
“People develop a myth in their mind that they can’t survive being alone. They think the reason for ending up alone after a relationship is because they are not good enough or desirable,” he explained.
Surrounded by a cloud of emotions after a breakup, it may be quite easy to believe this myth. Yet people must resist believing it because eventually they will be desired again by others. In some cases, people may not even want to date anyone new. But many times, there’s a reason to why most breakups happen in the first place.
There is a wide range of reasons why relationships end, though there are a few in particular that should raise a red flag.
“Qualities to watch out for in a relationship are jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity and selfishness,” Glauber said. “Many young adults also carry emotional baggage that can spill into a relationship and cause their innocent partner to become hurt.”
True and honest love toward a person isn’t constantly checking up on them to make sure they’re not flirting with other people — it’s trusting that they won’t. And love isn’t the feeling that one wants to keep their significant other solely to themselves — it’s wanting them to be happy and giving them the freedom to do so.
It is also important to be with someone who is willing to put time into a relationship. Both work and effort go hand in hand to make a relationship last.
“A relationship based on laziness will go absolutely nowhere,” Glauber explained. “Many people have a mindset that relationships will just magically fall into place, but this isn’t true. Having this mentality as a starting point will only lead the relationship in a bad direction.”
This concept is not only true in relationships, but also every aspect of life. Think about it — a person won’t get in good physical shape if they watch TV every day instead of hitting the gym.
After realizing common flaws in relationships, one may wonder — What is the ultimate goal of a healthy relationship? Dr. Glauber answered this mystery by stating the underlying reason for all romantic relationships.
“The key to a successful relationship is striving to be a better person, and helping the other person become the best person they can be also,” he said. “This consists of both people being open to using the relationship to help make themselves better. This is very important, since a significant other is bound to see every minute flaw a person has. So when one points out a flaw in another, it’s better to learn and grow instead of viewing it as criticism.”
Relationships come and go and breakups are bound to happen at some point in everyone’s lives. And when they happen, it’s normally not a question of what we want, but more of what we need. Most times, we may not even know what’s best for us at that very moment. People fall under the impression that a breakup is the end, but they have yet to find that it is the start of a whole new journey.