Nothing would give me greater pleasure than announcing that the National League, which produces the purest form of sport available to the American public, is home to some exhilarating playoff races and intriguing teams. Unfortunately, an analysis of the league presents a case study of how to perfect mediocrity.

Our New York Mets, the only team that could conceivably compete in the American League, do not have a losing record against any team in the NL. To my dismay (because I have to write more), there isn’t one team in the NL that is out of the playoff picture — I’m fairly certain the can of Fresca on my desk has a fighting chance.

NL West: The LA Dodgers, in a flurry of mid-season trade activity, are beginning to break away from the division, holding a whopping three-game lead (or 10 games in AL terms). The team’s GM, Ned Colletti, is reportedly wanted in Florida for piracy of the Devil Rays, after robbing them of Toby Hall, Mark Hendrickson and Julio Lugo. Greg Maddux’s prayers have been answered, as he no longer works for Dusty Baker — the Dodgers should win the west by five games. The San Diego Padres are a legitimate Wild Card contender, while the San Francisco Giants hope their team does not rest on its Social Security laurels (the team outdates much of modern history). In all likelihood, without a resurgence from Bonds, Alou and Durham, the Giants are dead in the water. The Colorado Rockies are an AA team, save for Atkins, Holliday and Helton, and thus I won’t cover them. The Arizona Diamondbacks are fielding an excellent AAA team at the MLB level; J.D. Drew’s little brother at shortstop, Stephen Drew, will be a stud. The team has potential … in 2008.

NL Central: Albert Pujols … err … The St. Louis Cardinals have a considerable lead in the division; after the once-red-hot Reds have cooled off, the Cards possess the most refined and experienced talent and should win the division comfortably. The Pittsburgh Pirates (Jason Bay and Freddie Sanchez would probably play for another team and accept crackerjacks for compensation) are the worst team in baseball and the Chicago Cubs aren’t much better, thanks to the unprecedented incompetence exhibited by manager Dusty Baker, who has sabotaged the careers of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. The Houston Astros remain a sleeper — a languishing offense, but pitchers that could dominate a five-game series. Injuries and trades have decimated the Milwaukee Brewers — Ben Sheets and J.J. Hardy have been critical losses to injury and Carlos Lee, the team’s best slugger, was traded to Texas.

NL East: The Florida Marlins have been one of the biggest surprises of the year. A team that is essentially comprised of high school kids is only a few games out of the Wild Card, and is showing off some serious prospective talent (and if history is any indication, all these guys will be Mets and Red Sox in three years). The Philadelphia Phillies are the second-highest scoring team in the NL, but I could not name a pitcher on their team. The value of pitching is exponentially greater in the playoffs, and thus I do not perceive the team to be a threat in a five-game series. Looks like the iron curtain over the NL East has been lifted and the Atlanta Braves’ reign of supremacy is over for the next few years, though the team has some promising young talent. The Nationals are still an expansion team, and are playing like it (sorry Alfonso). But this division was over in week two. The New York Mets are going to win the division by a mile, win the National League and possibly play the Yankees in the World Series — this time with different results.