The National League never fails to deliver journalism material … if you’re a satirist. But in all seriousness, on Thurdsay Anibal Sanchez threw the first no-hitter in the big leagues since Randy Johnson, a.k.a. “The Big Useless,” threw a perfect game against the Braves in 2004. In doing so, Sanchez revealed two incontrovertible facts: the Diamondbacks suck, and the Marlins’ prospects are entirely legit.

Can the Mets stop winning already? This has gotten out of hand, its decadent at this point; I feel like a sadist enjoying it. The Mets hold the best record in baseball and are steamrolling their NL competition. They took two out of three from the Braves, including their first day/night doubleheader sweep since 2000. Unfortunately for Mets fans, there is no “wins bank” that we can put these irrelevant victories into for use in future seasons. Shawn Green has been a studly addition to the team, playing both games of the doubleheader against the Braves and contributing gold glove-caliber defense (robbing the Braves of a home run and a few base hits), and he also went six for eight with two home runs. El Duque pitched a gem against the Dodgers, which provides some insurance against the prospect that John Maine will be necessary to secure a five-game series.

In the NL Central, the Cardinals’ lead in the division is widening and the team should easily cruise to another division title. The Pirates are making moves to regain competitiveness in 2039 by taking measures, in collaboration with the Puerto Rican government, to clone Carlos Beltran.

The Mets keep holding auditions for the role of division leader in the NL West and keep bitch slapping, with wanton disregard, any teams that approach them, save for the series split with the Dodgers this past weekend. The Giants and Padres are battling it out this upcoming weekend for the wild card and the division. Barry Bonds has been red hot, batting .400 with seven homeruns in the last 15 games; this series could determine who gets to lose first to the Mets in the playoffs. Two more games will be played before this article goes to press, so we will withhold statement or prediction about the wild card leader, though the Dodgers at the current hold the division. Worth noting: the Florida Marlins have won 16 of 21, although they’ve been playing lowly teams like Washington and Milwaukee. Most recently, Dontrelle Willis threw a complete game, three-hit shutout. Las Vegas is probably having a field day with this wild card race.

The wild card should go to a Central team, though it might go to the Padres or Giants. There is some concern if an extra playoff spot goes to an inferior West team that Adam Dunn might paint his face blue, brandish a club and enact a Gaelic-warrior (little known fact: Adam Dunn is, in fact, a Gaelic warrior) assault on Bud Selig.

New York’s stake in the National League, like Pipe Dream’s American League correspondent, is sitting pretty.