Here come the bells. You’ve finally decided to make that big shift: change your Facebook status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship.’ Welcome to the wonderful world of monogamy, at least college-style.

With that change of status comes a few other things: removing ‘random play’ from your ‘looking for,’ and then carefully removing provocative photos of you with members of the opposite sex from your tagged photos. Might as well join a monastery, right? Maybe not! While there are many that view the promiscuous lifestyle as the only way to exist, the college monogamous relationship does have many of its own benefits.

First and foremost, there is the regularity that a relationship has to offer. Depending on where you and your mate decide to take the match, it could mean regular cuddling, regular sexual escapades and the possibility for less frequent masturbation. Possibly. The regularity could also streamline your evenings: for men, you no longer have to spend many hours and dollars a night purchasing drinks for women who have absolutely no interest in participating in your promiscuous lifestyle. For women, you’ve bagged one; you can now wear a jacket and maybe pants when you go Downtown in the dead of winter and you can still accept drinks from a male who wants you to participate in his promiscuous lifestyle despite your clear lack of interest.

Second, the end of the awkward morning walk of shame. The typical human being does not look attractive in the morning. Eight hours of drool-generating, hair-manipulating unconsciousness is enough to take even the most attractive Homo sapien and transform him or her into a mass of pillow-creased halitosis, despite the fact that only hours ago the other being in your bed was your hot entertainment for the night. While a college monogamous relationship will not transform your partner or even remove his or her halitosis (toothpaste and antibiotics do that, but once in a stable relationship, you could more safely recommend treatment), those glaring ante meridiem imperfections become innocent idiosyncrasies that are actually charming about your lover.

Backtracking a bit, for those who enter a relationship and intend on participating in regular copulation (and the purpose of this article is neither to advocate nor oppose non-marital sex), you may very well enjoy it more. There have been many studies done that suggest that once two individuals are in a committed relationship, the fornication jumps to a new level. Sure, the swinging lifestyle has its thrills, but it also has its chills (rhyming helps an argument).

‘OK, here we go.’ (A few moments of awkward thrusting commence.) ‘Uh oh.’

‘Hey, what the ‘?’

‘Dammit, not again.’

Sound familiar? Probably not, but you may have thought something similar to it, Mr. Quick-Draw McGraw. While there is no evidence that a relationship will immediately cure the itchy trigger finger, a committed partner may very well put up with it and be more sensitive to your sensitivity. Or even if all else fails and you keep launching at T-minus one minute, you may be able to follow the ‘first go is for me, second go is for you,’ mantra.

A committed relationship would help clear up these dilemmas. One, an open line of communication can be established that makes clear what each partner wants, and two, those in good relationships tend to be much more comfortable with each other, and if they are not, it’s not a good relationship (and everyone knows a couple like that).

These were but a few of the benefits of a college-style monogamous relationship. While there are many more positive, as well as negative aspects, the fact that people all over the academic world regularly engage in said matches is evidence to suggest that the good outweighs the bad.

‘ Dan Lyons is a senior English and theater major.