There are many fundamental components to a healthy relationship: compatibility, strong physical attraction and trust. The last one is problematic because there can be a lot of jealousy in new relationships. So I ask you: can there be trust with jealousy?
Over the break, Buffalo Bill went to Israel on birthright. When I dropped him off at the airport, I told him how excited I was for him to go, while my eyes quickly scanned all the girls going on the trip. I was delighted to find mostly dorks with messy hair and ugly shoes.
Every time I called while he was there, a girl picked up the phone and had to pry him away from his beer pong tournament to talk to me. To grossly generalize, I came to find that the religious awakening that is meant to enrich young Jewish souls on birthright has degenerated into drunken beer pong nights in the hills above Jerusalem. Though I do love him and know he loves me, I couldn’t help but picture him falling victim to some horny Israeli girl who picked up on his good looks, drunken stupor and boyish naivete.
Refusing to believe I was the crazy one, I began to attempt to justify and excuse my jealous behavior. I couldn’t help but wonder, in relationships what is the basis for trusting someone? Isn’t time more important in developing trust than intensity of feeling? Learning about someone’s past and understanding the essence of their personality may help, but it takes time.
Every girl, when she’s in a new relationship, is eager to know what her guy was like with past girlfriends. I happen to know Buffalo Bill didn’t have the cleanest rap sheet. On the other hand, that’s in the past. So my next question was: when am I going to let go of the past, learn to trust and just let live?
The next night I called him, he was in Tel Aviv and told me how much he missed me. I said good bye and hung up. I didn’t call him anymore after that. I decided to free us from each other for a couple of days. The thoughts of him in bed with some “birthright slut” still haunted my dreams, but that’s ok.
Maybe jealousy is good. It adds a touch of insecurity, which lends excitement to a relationship. It prevents you from taking for granted the special thing you and your significant other have together.
Micol Zweig is a sophomore English major