Lock:

Carolina (-4) over Washington

Put me in the pantheon of great losers. The LA Clippers, Charlie Brown, the French and now me, Mark Macyk. I’ve gone 0-11, and I can’t even guarantee you a correct lock on my mother’s maiden name. I’ve angered the NFL gods, gotten one of my assistant editors threatened at basketball games when fans get us confused, and I’m not sure how I can make it up to anyone that has been affected by my incompetence. I already offered to name my first son Brett Favre Macyk, what more do they want? But anyway, the Panthers should cruise over a banged up Washington team.

Upset Special:

Tampa Bay (+11) over Dallas

This one is simple, Tampa Bay beat Washington, and Washington beat Dallas, therefore Tampa will down Dallas. The law of transitivity … isn’t logic fun!? Despite the fact that Tony Romo is probably actually Phil Simms’ son and not Chris Simms as we originally figured, this game will be close, and Tampa Bay might manage to pull an upset. Plus if we look at toughness of the mascots, a buccaneer is a pirate, and pirates are infinitely more intimidating than cowboys are.

Game 1:

Denver (-1) over Kansas City

Denver lost a close one to the hated Chargers over the weekend and now find themselves in a must-win road game against Kansas City. Denver’s D and running game is too good to let this one slip away, but the time is now for rookie Jay Cutler to start at quarterback. Jake Plummer simply is not cutting it anymore.

Game 2:

Chargers (-13) over Oakland

As a Giant fan I’m really glad Big Blue made that trade for Eli Manning a few years ago. Yep, I’d definitely rather have Eli than Phillip Rivers and Shawne Merriman right now. I’m going to keep telling myself that. I don’t care how good Rivers and Merriman have been for the Chargers, Eli’s brother is in tons of commercials.