My man Pete is really steamed about this whole ‘cops sitting around doing nothing’ ordeal. He fails to realize, police playing solitaire when they should be on the job isn’t really as much cause for public outrage as he says it is.

I think that sometimes police being on the job when they should be playing solitaire can be much worse for the general public. I say this because playing solitaire is much better than some of the alternative activities cops engage in for the other 23 1/2 hours a day that real crimes aren’t being committed.

For one, instead of playing a harmless game of cards, they could be pulling you over in your car for failure to yield to a pedestrian even though you swear he jumped in front of you, and deep down you believe that pedestrians should have to yield to the car. And while it seems more in line with nature that the small, breakable object stop for the larger, more structurally-sound object barreling toward it at 20 or 25 miles per hour, nonetheless the cops can ring you up for it ‘ that is, unless they’re playing solitaire on their mini computer.

The cops could very well be taking up multiple spots and placing extremely large orders on the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through line the night before you have a big paper due. In a desperate attempt to make up for weeks of procrastination, you decide to overload your system with coffee to make you more productive than that annoying kid in your class who keeps screwing up the generous curve by routinely scoring above 95 on his tests. Now you can’t even get your caffeine boost and you’re left shaking your head wondering what the world has come to when, instead of always trying to kill our buzz, the cops are preventing us from even getting it ‘ that is, if they’re not pulling the double sin of playing solitaire on their mini computer while simultaneously waiting in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through line.

They could be breaking up a party at your house, and finding a drunk and mild to moderately underage female who was repeatedly asked to leave.

They could be giving you a parking ticket for being in a snow lot after hours once November comes around. They could be banging on your door in the dorms, wondering what that suspicious smell is coming from your room. And I’m not talking about the one caused by your auspicious double play of dinner at Moe’s and lunch from Fu Star.

Either way, few are actually na√ÉØve enough to believe that there is always something a cop has to be doing. At least they’re playing a game that is intellectually stimulating, strengthening their attention to detail and, most important, keeping them off the streets where they can bother you and me.

Jonathan Schwartz is a senior economics major who wonders why Bob and his wife, Connie Gault, refer to their cars as ‘Creampuffs’ in their car commercials.