You’re a nice guy, but you just can’t get the girl. Ever wondered why?

How about why the heck the automated call-center voice can’t seem to figure out what you’re trying to say? Or whether the mercury in your tuna sandwich is dangerous? And how a battery that provides hours of electricity can fit in the palm of your hand?

From psychology to chemistry, computer engineering to anthropology and beyond, Binghamton University professors have taken on some of life’s most pressing questions. Here we take a look at a smattering of their handiwork.

SOMETHING’S FISHY

WITH CHARLIE THE TUNA?

How did a Binghamton chemistry professor’s hunch lead to a recall of millions of tuna cans? In 1970, the professor, Bruce McDuffie, thought something was, um, fishy with canned tuna fish sold at the supermarket. He was right. McDuffie found that the amount of mercury in the tuna cans significantly exceeded the limits set by the FDA. McDuffie’s discovery led to the massive recall by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, and his work raised the public’s awareness of poisoning via the heavy metal ‘ which can lead to hearing and vision damage, lack of coordination, memory loss and death. And just in case the rest of the fishing industry thought it was off the hook, McDuffie later found high amounts of the poison in swordfish, which would lead to another large recall. So before you take a bite of that scrumptious-looking lunch, say thanks to Professor McDuffie, who paved the way to healthier tuna fish sandwiches for all.

BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

Next time you’re in awe at how long your device’s rechargeable battery lasts, give major props to Binghamton’s M. Stanley Whittingham, professor of chemistry and materials science and engineering. For more than 30 years, Professor Whittingham has been working with lithium-ion batteries, working in the 1970s to create the batteries while at Exxon. These reusable and rechargeable batteries have come to power a host of consumer electronics, including cell phones, digital cameras and laptops. Whittingham, who joined Binghamton’s faculty in 1988, will now be working with other experts to develop the next generation of lithium-ion batteries. Perhaps in the not-too-distant future, you may be plugging in your car with one of his rechargeable batteries instead of heading to the gas pump.

I THINK YOU’VE

HAD ENOUGH, JUNIOR

Need another drink? Maybe you should take a trip down memory lane instead of State Street. Norman Spear, distinguished professor of psychology, has been researching how early experiences with alcohol can lead to later abuse for several decades. His research shows that the effects of an infant’s earliest meals can last a lifetime. Most of us think of early alcohol exposure as mom putting a calming touch of whiskey in a fussy baby’s bottle, but babies can also be exposed to alcohol through the breast milk of a drunk mother ‘ or even just from smelling it on her. Spear and his colleagues have worked with newborn rats and looked at how their behavior was influenced by taste and smell cues. His research has given a deeper look into alcohol dependency ‘ something some frat boys on campus may want to investigate.

NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST

In the end nice guys do get the girl ‘ at least when it comes to the insect species known as the water strider, Aquarius remigis. BU evolutionary biologist David Sloan Wilson, a distinguished professor in the biology and anthropology departments, co-authored a study showing that persistent and aggressive male water striders didn’t go home with the ladies at the end of the night, losing out to the low-key, gentlemanly males. Or as his academically-correctly-titled paper puts it: ‘Population Structure Mediates Sexual Conflict in Water Striders.’ Wilson’s work collected water striders and categorized the males in terms of sexual aggressiveness. When put in a tank of water with females, the overly aggressive males seized control. But when the females were given more space to mingle, they decided to go with the less pushy guys instead ‘ something to think about, gents, next time you’re out at the bar.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

If my call’s being monitored for quality-assurance purposes, how come the system can’t figure out that I want to pay a bill, not talk to someone who thinks I want to pop some pills? Binghamton’s Stephen Zahorian is looking to bridge the language barrier. Zahorian, chairman of the electrical and computer engineering department, recently got a grant from the Air Force Office of Scientific Research to work on a multi-language, multi-speaker audio database that will be available for processing research. Translation? The professor and his team are going to sit around watching YouTube videos. OK, it’s a little more complicated: They’ll gather and annotate recordings ‘ from YouTube and other public sources ‘ of several hundred speakers in English, Spanish and Mandarin Chinese. They hope to get the speech recognition programs working better in everyday situations. Programs may one day be able to derive the meaning of the speech along with the words, translate speech accurately into another language ‘ and maybe just maybe get you to the right customer service representative.