People of Binghamton University, you do not know how to dress yourselves. You all need to step up your fashion game before Tim Gunn from ‘Project Runway’ comes up here to give you all a verbal ass-whooping for not ‘making it work.’

Take it from a girl who owns 75 pairs of shoes: most of you are seriously lacking in the wardrobe department. But I will have fashion order in this court.

Clothes are meant to be venue-specific and weather-appropriate. For example, sweats belong at the gym and UGG boots belong in the winter. It was 67 degrees out this past spring semester when I saw a girl in calf-high UGG boots and shorts. Who are you? Seriously, are you an Alaskan nomad who ripped her pants off once you accidentally arrived in a warm area?

So, without further ado, here are a few of my gigantic, angry-rampage-worthy pet peeves that will hopefully help you steer clear of fashion suicide.

1. Leggings are not pants. How many times must I see a girl in a waist-high Binghamton University shirt and nearly sheer leggings? I can literally see the fold of your butt cheek and your prominent camel toe! Leggings should only be worn with a ‘shirt’ if the shirt falls past your butt. Otherwise, you leave nothing to the imagination.

2. Pajamas are not clothes. This includes boys, too. Yes, I understand your feeble attempt at college humor when you show up to your 8:30 a.m. lecture wearing your Budweiser pajama pants, with stamps from The Rat adorning the back of your hand. But pajama pants make you look sloppy and lazy, and your face already screams ‘hangover,’ so why not make some sort of attempt to put on normal clothes?

3. Clothes that distort your body in odd ways are scary. Your clothes should fit you. You think I’m kidding, but I certainly am not. Boys, skinny jeans are neither flattering nor cute; plus, scientists have proven that keeping your testicles too warm lowers your sperm count. I’m just saying.

4. And girls, the smaller you buy things, the worse you look. Being conscious of your body doesn’t mean showing everyone your entire body ‘ it means finding clothes that fit and flatter you.

5. If you have ugly feet, don’t wear sandals. This means guys should never wear sandals, ever.

6. Clothing is seasonal. We all know Binghamton is overcast, dreary, cold and rainy. And yet, despite the blatant redundancy of the weather, you people still can’t follow the pattern and dress appropriately. I saw a girl in a North Face jacket, jeans and boots in the middle of May last semester. I also saw a girl wearing a tube top dress in the beginning of March just because the day before was kind of warm. Check the weather in the morning, then put on clothes that make sense based on the weather ‘ it’s a lot easier than most of the classes you’re taking, and you actually look good doing it.

I want you to know that despite my harsh tone, I semi-care about you people (well, not really, but pretend I do). When you go outside looking like a homeless man from the streets of Binghamton or one of those freaky ladies at Walmart, you bring negative attention to yourself.

I’m not saying go out and spend money on clothes (yes I am), but go into your closet and put on something that makes you look nice. After all, what harm is there in looking good? None. What harm is there in looking bad? Tons.