So this week’s topic is, by special request of the resident assistants in Onondaga, the economy. I can tell that some of you just grinned and leaned forward; you are nerds.
As a warning, my economic prowess consists of a semester of Macroeconomics I. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I really find it hilarious that people in the School of Management now have the same kind of job market as we English majors do.
If you didn’t know the economy was worthy of your attention, go sit in the time-out corner for five minutes. Back? OK, here’s why it matters: the national debt is currently $9.5 trillion as of Sept. 17. The dollar is tanking, worth 69 Euro-cents as I write this. The budget deficit has reached record highs under the Bush administration, which has borrowed billions of dollars from the Social Security Administration to make it seem like the deficit rate is actually decreasing. The housing market is still noxious, the stock market is plunging and the U.S. Government now has an $85 billion dollar stake in the investment giant AIG.
That whole paragraph of data-vomit was just so you know how terrible things are.
But I can’t just sit back and whine about it, that’s pointless. You expect better from this column than “HURR DEFICITS SUCK HURR,” so let’s get to talking about how to fix this.
The first thing we do is raise taxes on the rich. If you call me a socialist or a commie, my only response will be to smack you in the mush and tell you to go read a book. We raise taxes on the rich because when Clinton did it, it worked. It worked exceptionally well and had no obviously ill effects on our economy.
And I can hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth from all the social conservatives out there: “But that’s unfair to our most productive citizens!” Oh, right, the whole fairness thing. Well, you see, in my book, when you make over $500,000 a year after taxes, you don’t really get to whine about fairness. The quadriplegics with cardboard signs do. Go do some cocaine at the Four Seasons, you’ll feel better.
So we raise taxes on the richest 1% of Americans to reduce our deficit spending. We should also stop spending so much money. That means we get rid of those tax cuts until we stop fighting two wars at once. That means we give Iraqi soldiers all the responsibility they can handle and pull out as soon as possible. That means we start tarring and feathering pork-barrel Congressmen.
Maybe that last one’s a little harsh? Meh.
While all of this happens, it’s also the government’s job to come out and admit that, “Hey, guys! Things are bad! But we have faith that they’ll get better if we stick together!” Because that is just being honest.
It’s entirely possible that taxes may have to be raised on the upper-middle class. Or on the middle class. And we have to shoulder that burden. And maybe we don’t get to take that cruise. And maybe we don’t get to keep the country club membership. And maybe we need to cut back on the luxuries. But if that’s what it takes to keep this country out of bankruptcy? Um, let’s do it, guys.
Our entire infrastructure might need to change very soon to meet changing energy needs. It’s entirely possible that trucking, long made possible by diesel fuel, will no longer be a feasible entity 20 years down the road. So we tighten the collective belts and do what needs to be done.
The answers are there. Now we just need a government that will act on them.
No more pandering for votes, you sly Washington jackasses. It’s time to put up or shut up, because We the People are fully prepared to throw you out of a job.
And believe us, you don’t want to be unemployed in this economy.