Hooters, melons, knockers, second base, jugs, ta-tas, sweater puppies, bazookas — and that’s only the beginning. Whatever you call them, one must admit — boobs are awesome.

For some, they fill out tops and can second as an alternative cellphone holder. Sometimes they come with the perks of being able to cut long lines or get reduced prices. But for those “fortunate” enough to be in the Double D Club may beg to differ. Personally, my rack receives over-the-top attention all too often, so I can only sympathize with those who also experience this kind of sexual harassment.

There is a point where catcalls border on verbal assault. Some situations, like walking through construction zones, become a sexual harassment war zone. This brings me back to a time when a friend and I had no other choice in Midtown Manhattan but to be victims of such combat; never have I felt more objectified or degraded.

Still, when this behavior persists in suburban Connecticut malls, lines are crossed. When middle-aged women point and shout, “I wish I had a pair of those,” in a seemingly conservative setting, you realize there are much greater issues regarding the sexualization of breasts in the world. Potentially, this stems from sexism in the media and the objectification of women. This disregard for the person behind the chest is inexcusable and dehumanizing.

Realistically, I am not about to wear turtle necks or obscenely baggy clothes to avoid over-the-top, unwanted attention. It just doesn’t seem fair. So do your part, in order to make sure the gifts of Double D’s are respected. Let boobs make the world a better place by following these simple guidelines:

1. They may big but they are not public property. So random boob grabbing is not cool. Plain and simple: if intentions are not mutual, then you have no right to touch. Please realize it’s easy to notice the difference between an actual accidental touch or if someone is just copping a feel. Don’t test it, unless you’re willing to risk being slapped.

2. My eyes are up here. Eye contact second to checking out someone’s rack needs to stop. Looking is fine, but don’t be so noticeable. This is so basic, it hurts — when a girl is talking to you, do not zone out and refocus on her chest.

3. The girls are not dinner conversation. This one doesn’t bother me as much as the first two scenarios but, nonetheless, it’s still rude. If you lack interpersonal skills and need to resort to conversations regarding my boobs, then you need to improve your game.

4. Taking various small objects and shooting them into cleavage does not make you original or clever. Shooting a 3-pointer with your spare change into my bust-line does not make you a better person. You might be amused, but you’re also being vulgar.

Be aware of the boundaries and save everyone from awkward situations and potential humiliation. Don’t spoil the fun. Boobs make the world a better place.