Other than a being real-life example of Dean Vernon Wormer’s precaution that ‘fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life,’ it’s unclear what to make of Rosie O’Donnell these days. She has always been a few beers short of a six pack, but lately her statements are reminiscent of someone completely over the edge. She has hit bottom and is now furiously digging. This may be familiar territory for her, but for the rest of the viewing public, insanity is new digs.

For those of you who have forgone the lobotomy and don’t watch Rosie’s daytime TV show ‘The View,’ let me bring you up to speed. To quote Abe Lincoln, this ABC morning show has time and time again proved that it is ‘better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.’ Rosie, never one to let common sense or self-preservation stand in the way, has removed all doubt.

In September of 2006, Ms. O’Donnell put her razor-sharp intellect and her background in comparative religion to good use as she proclaimed that, ‘Christianity is just as violent as Islam is.’ Although this statement would stand on its own merits at any Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) meeting, it may have been more instructive had O’Donnell provided specific examples to highlight her crisp assessment of modern day Christian violence. For example, she could have spoken about the Beslan Massacre in which 344 civilians and 186 school children were murdered during the heroic Muslim terrorist takeover of an elementary school, and then contrasted this against the clearly violent recent Christian tendencies to protest any form of violence with hate-filled language such as ‘We shall overcome.’ Damn those Baptists. Throw in that malevolent Christian sect known as the Quakers and it’s pretty much a toss up as to who might blow up the next metro train.

In November of 2006, Rosie explained her policy on the war against radical Islam by assuring the listening audience, ‘Don’t fear the terrorists. They’re mothers and fathers.’ Although that may be true, it’s unclear how this aphorism applies to our current situation. Does that mean we need to begin profiling moms and dads at the airport? Apparently, when your vacation plans are ruined by having your flight diverted into a high-rise building, Rosie would like you to take great comfort in the fact that the hijackers are capable of having offspring. Well, that’s a relief.

In March of 2007, Rosie uncovered one of the three top American conspiracies, third only to the JFK-grassy-knoll-mysterious-shooter-escapade and the Apollo moon landing hoax. With her gift of being able to explain the most difficult scientific concepts in monosyllabic terms, she calmly explained how the United States government itself had brought down the World Trade Center in New York, killing thousands of office workers, along with the Building Seven. That’s our Rosie speaking the truth. She’s so courageous. Using all her learned scientific knowledge, she was kind enough to point out that that steel melts at a very high temperature: ‘Miraculously, the first time in history steel was melted by fire.’ She’s good. She’s real good. For someone who has difficulty forming complete sentences, she has an uncanny understanding of demolition explosives and civil engineering. You go girl.

Having heard from Rosie, there is obviously no longer a need to read and understand all those boring technical papers on the collapse of the World Trade Center by those silly engineers at National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), or to understand that steel loses its structural strength long before it reaches the melting point.

Yup. Rosie’s a fount of invaluable advice on terrorism and construction standards. Thank goodness for ‘The View’ and the careful administration of its power to influence the masses.

Now get in line for that lobotomy.

‘ Megan Donahue is a nursing major. She hopes that Rosie will have the same affect on the 9/11 Truthers that Rosie did for critical thinking.