I was unaware that concealed weapons were sold in the dining hall until I went to Extreme Dining the other night. I could bludgeon someone to death with the Medieval Turkey leg. The food was so large that even Warren Sapp would have left filled to the brim.

The lady behind the entr√ÉØ√ø√Ωe station smiled and asked what I would like to eat.

“I’ll take one heart attack with a side of Million Vegetable Lo Mein, please,” I replied.

As if a one pound burger didn’t have enough fat to drown a small nation, the gentleman at the grill did me the pleasure of adding four strips of bacon on top of it. When your burger is as big as your face you know you arteries will be thanking you later for it.

As I proceeded to the check out counter, I felt as if I had a small child sitting upon my tray. Could I really stuff all of this food into my 5’4” frame?

I was equally amazed at all of the “Extreme” foods my friends were shoveling down their throats. Swagatam was attacking a Broccoli Tree smothered in cheese. Let me tell you, that kid is one hell of a lumberjack; he nearly took that sucker down in three bites!

Stacy, like a ravage lion, was devouring a Neanderthal Sirloin with her bare hands. I bet she even went out to the campus Nature Preserve and killed a cow using her stone tools.

Holding our bloated bellies, we waddled back to our dorm rooms. As we reached the door, Nathan, who had just finished gorging himself on half-pound cookies, screamed, “I feel like I’m about to hurl,” and bolted for the bathroom.

Thank you, Sodexho, for being a beacon of light and shining the way to healthy living. Instead of calling it “Extreme Dining” how about we call it “The Road to Obesity” or “I Can Feel the Fat Congealing in My Arteries.”

Approximately 127 million adults in America are obese and this number is on the rise. Heart disease is the number one killer in the United States. Is it really necessary to have a themed event celebrating mammoth portion sizes?

We all know someone who is obese and we’ve seen the detrimental effects it can have on a person’s quality of life. Healthy eating habits start now and our college should be encouraging good living.

What’s more important to you, enjoying a Medieval Turkey leg that resembles a baseball bat or your health? I think I’ll choose my life, thanks.

Erica Fritz is a junior majoring in psychology in the pre-med program.