What the hell has happened to the fortunes inside of fortune cookies? I feel like I’m too young to already start antiquating myself, but for the sake of some solid and unashamed venting of frustration, I will say that back in my day I distinctly remember finishing Chinese food and looking forward to breaking open a cookie and finding a fortune that actually ‘ (gasp!) ‘ resembled a fortune!
My suspicion is not that fortune cookie makers (FCMs) have run out of fortunes. There are a million fortunes that can be used and reused, leaving Chinese food consumers plenty happy ‘ unless they’re obsessed with the food and eat it so often that the recycled fortunes become readily apparent to them, but that only becomes a problem for close-minded dining, and that’s an issue in itself.
Rather, my suspicion lies in the fact that FCMs are trying to get a kick out of their listless jobs by sneaking in phrases that could only pass off as fortunes to those of us who like to indulge in Chinese cuisine after a good smoking session. Stoned out of their minds, people could easily find a way to read into, ‘You like animals of the canine persuasion’ as a fortune telling you that you will soon go to the pet store and free all the dogs. In this case, I guess there is nothing to complain about, if we all just make sure to consume these cookies at times when a Post-it note is causing uncontrollable giggles.
But because Chinese food is purchased and eaten at varying parts of one’s day, in sheer sobriety, these fortunes do not quite add up.
It’s not even like I wait to read these fortunes in the hope of gaining foresight into what my life will look like. Rather, it’s a cute, social, sentimental part of a meal for a bunch of friends to open their cookies together and share what they say. The endearing part tends to allude all of us when the fortunes read out like mundane, obvious phrases at best. The kind of stuff I have found in my cookies should only be found in the back of a janitor’s closet or in line at the DMV. Nothing about it is whimsical, nothing about it is charming or hopeful.
Maybe Chinese food has run its course in providing an unusual twist to a meal. Maybe Italian food should step up and start writing out fortunes on pepperoni. Or Japanese meals should arrange their rolls in cryptic promises. See, that wouldn’t be quite as satisfying as a written message in a cookie. So I guess Chinese food has some limited options for itself. Either A) go back to including actual fortunes or B) provide a generous amount of pot with each dish.
‘ Reina Berger is a freshman English major. She was prompted to write this article after she opened a fortune cookie and read a ‘fortune’ stating: ‘You are surrounded by fortune-seekers.’