After getting a largely positive response (and by positive, I mean negative), I decided to do a follow up on the subject we all like to consider ourselves experts on: sex.

Growing up with the state-run education program of New Jersey, I have been led to believe many lies and misconceptions about sex. Although abstinence wasn’t preached exclusively, it was recommended to us all. Looking back, I realize that an important technique that has been simultaneously developed and perfected from all corners of the earth was never even alluded to as being anything more than a precursor to the end of our independent life. It’s called pulling out.

Not just another leftist strategy to end the war in Iraq, pulling out is also a proven birth control method. Now first of all, the proper name is coitus interruptus, and my take is that if something has a Latin name there has to be something to it, no? Now you might be asking yourself how effective this method could possibly be, but with a little practice, the effectiveness could reach up to 96 percent with perfect use. Reports found that the failure rate of the withdrawal method is the lack of self-control of those using it. Therefore, if you let one slide by, you got no one to blame but yourself; or some may argue that actually the girl has no one to blame but the man, and, depending on what state you’re in, this blame might amount to a sizable check every month.

The method has many benefits. Unlike condom use, the method is available to everyone and doesn’t discriminate along lines of wealth, like other forms of contraceptives do. Furthermore, it uses no artificial devices (if we didn’t like it natural, would there even be a market for organic food?) and no prescription or medical consultation is needed (those trips to Planned Parenthood are a bitch). The only downside is some potential for temporary itching and burning. But, hey, why should crabs be restricted to the Jersey shore? Another small problem could be the occasional weight gain, but the good news is that the man is safe from this and the woman usually sheds it within a year. Even if she keeps some pounds on, college relationships rarely last that long anyway.

Mastering the technique in order to reap the benefits of this great methodology can prove to be quite tricky, especially when having an encounter with a new partner ‘ and especially one out of your league. Therefore, I recommend practicing with a sterile broad before making it your primary method of contraceptive (low self-esteem is always a plus, also). When the technique is perfected, the benefits are limitless.

Another myth that I’m going to put out there in the open is this idea of precum knocking up a girl, but once again this is another lie instilled upon us by our prude government running our education system. The proper name is Cowper’s fluid (notice that it is not Latin) and study after study has found it to contain no sperm. The only complication that can arise is when someone has sex multiple times in a row and there still exists some fluid on his penis after the first time. This problem can be easily addressed by urinating between sessions, which should flush out any fluid still present.

Hmm ‘ R. Kelly might have been on to something.

‘ Branko Blagojevic is a senior in SOM. He considers R. Kelly to be an innovator ever since the allegations in ’02.