Have you ever felt that you were gypped a “thank you?” Have you ever noticed a girl giving you what I like to call “the look of death” because she bumped into you? Have you ever said “bless you” to someone who sneezed, and they gave you that “do I know you?” look?

Well, for these instances, there is a certain expression I like to use when I speak of impolite assholes, namely chicks, who think that their mere presence graces the world for the better. Every time that I hold the door open and one of these princesses walks by with an attitude like I have offended them by doing a kind gesture, every time that I say “thank you” when I am passed an attendance paper and I get a bewildered look as if I am speaking in Mandarin, and every time I graciously pick up a fallen textbook and I don’t get a single word of praise, there is only one expression going through my mind: “Cock-slapped.”

The expression is derived from the obnoxious pursed-lip-and-cold-stare combo given by a sweatpants-wearing, Medusa-like strumpet. This facial misdemeanor resembles what could only occur after the action suggested by the expression itself has taken place.

I know it sounds harsh, but I cannot help being that disappointed with such swine-like behavior. No matter how sexy you think you are, it is your duty to society to have manners.

Last year in a psychology class, I learned that in most cases, actions are based on other circumstances rather than the personality of the person. To counter that, in most cases, I personally have zero tolerance for douche bags. If you empathize with me, you are not a victim; you are doing the right and humanitarian thing. You should continue holding doors open and keep saying thank you, and if people sneeze, bless them … for we are humans, not apes.

As for the cock-slapped populous, a meek look of appreciation will do you some good. This beautiful expression of mine will sink into your head and you will notice after reading this, a revelation has taken place. Be nice, be courteous … and wearing sweatpants everyday is kind of gross.