Do you want to know the latest on Jessica Simpson’s love life? Are you dying to know who broke up in Hollywood? You may not want to admit it, but we’ve seen you standing in line at Price Chopper clutching your 18-pack and scanning the tabloid headlines while trying, in vain, not to get caught by the cashier. So we decided to give you a little taste of the real candy behind the counter. Read on, and let us know what you think.

The Week’s Top Five

1. My husband, me and Dupree. It seems Kate Hudson is caught in a love triangle between her laid-back rocker husband Chris Robinson and funnyman Owen Wilson. If she picks Wilson, let’s hope she doesn’t lose this guy in 10 days.

2. I’m with Scary. Eddie Murphy will have to get used to that phrase. The former Spice Girl, Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown, and Murphy are engaged. Why was she even named “Scary Spice” to begin with? Hopefully Murphy finds out before he ties the knot.

3. Ashlee Simpson on Broadway? Wait just a minute. It’s one thing to have a career as a pop star without having a voice, but to be a Broadway star too? The musical Chicago must be desperate for a big name (they signed on Usher earlier this summer), but it looks like Simpson will play Roxie Hart in London rather than in New York. The tourists are rejoicing as we speak.

4. That’s not hot. Paris Hilton was arrested for DUI last week. Finally, she’s famous for something she did on her own.

5. Six degrees of girl power. Is this the beginning of an era? Rosie O’Donnell took the place of Meredith Viera on “The View,” who took the place of Katie Couric on “The Today Show,” who did an interview with Kevin Bacon. I win!

What’s In

Baby Suri: By keeping five-month-old Suri hidden until exposing her to the world on the cover of Vanity Fair this week, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ photos are almost as highly anticipated as the completing of construction next to the library.

What’s Out

Baby Shiloh: Clearly, the Jolie-Pitt clan didn’t play their cards right. Maybe they should take their cues for having the most popular baby in the playpen from Tom and Katie. Clearly this requires keeping the public guessing whether he/she actually exists, or in this case, is just a tactic for keeping Tom in the closet.

Say What?

“Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.” — Brad Pitt, referring to why he and girlfriend Angelina Jolie haven’t wed yet.

Why don’t they both just admit they don’t want to be married to each other? For those of you keeping score, that’s one point for Team Aniston, no points for Team Jolie.

What to look forward to this week:

Last week, Jessica Simpson publicly denied that she was dating crooner John Mayer. This week, John Mayer accused her of using him for publicity. Next week, Mayer will ruin Simpson’s squeaky-clean reputation by claiming she puts out on the first date. How far will they go?

Dig the dirt? Then watch BTV’s “The BS Show” every Sunday from 8:30-9:30 for more celeb gossip!