According to Dictionary.com, news is a person, thing or event considered as a choice subject for journalistic treatment. I have a serious issue with what we have come to define as a ‘choice subject for journalistic treatment.’

I, along with all Americans, mourned the loss this week of Anna Nicole Smith. Her contributions to society were immeasurable, mostly because they were non-existant. We fixate so much of our attention on celebrities without even realizing how undeserving of our attentions they are. I’m tired of hearing about who celebrities are dating, cheating on, marrying, divorcing, adopting, dissing and cat-fighting (unless it’s on video). I don’t care if Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie, mostly because Angelina Jolie is hotter.

Because of stories like Anna Nicole Smith’s and other celebrities’ escapades, the real news slips through the cracks. But in researching for this article, I came to realize that celebrities aren’t the only ones to blame for the American public’s fascination with everything that isn’t important.

Here are some crucial front page headlines, courtesy of CNN.com from the past week: ‘Ice-covered Cat Fished From Frozen Stream’ and ‘Grandfather Fights 16-foot Snake to Free Grandson.’ Not to diminish the importance of fishing our pets from frozen streams or to trivialize the heroism of a grandpa fighting a 16-foot snake, but seriously.

The more celebrity jibber-jabber (yes, I just quoted Mr. T) and ridiculous stories, such as ‘Bill Cosby’s Dog Wins Title Paws Down’ or ‘Oregon Snorkeler Mistaken For Rodent, Shot in Face,’ that we can occupy our time with, the more we can forget all the horrible things going on around the world.

When I came up with the idea for this article, my original intention was to discuss how Americans are being robbed of the news that really matters. Maybe there’s a crackpot conspiracy afoot here being perpetrated by the major news networks to keep the real bitter-tasting news off our plates and replace it with the candy-coated nonsense we all complain about.

But it occurred to me that most of the news that really matters is downright depressing. How much can the American public stand to read about the tragedy ensuing in Iraq? How many stories of fallen servicemen and women should the public have to read? How many stories of car bombs in Baghdad and mortar fire in Tikrit do we have to publish before people get the point? It sucks to be in Iraq right now and it’s mostly our fault. How much can we read about the ongoing genocide in Darfur? And these are only being published because celebrities won’t shut up about them.

Are we really to believe that Darfur is the only place in Africa where innocent people are being denied their basic human rights? I do not envy the person whose job it is to decide those headlines we see on the front page of CNN.com. How do you sift through all the terrible things going on in the world and decide which are most important to inform the American public about?

I’m not advocating censoring the news because the American psyche is too fragile to handle it. I wish that the balance would shift more toward reporting the actual newsworthy events. On the day Anna Nicole Smith died, the two warring factions of Palestinians in the Israeli-occupied territories brokered a peace deal to prevent an all-out civil war from ensuing. I’m not even demanding that story to be the headline, but I believe it at least belongs on the front page ahead of the story titled, ‘Talking Urinal Cakes Preach Against DUI.’ Jonathan Schwartz is a junior economics major, and a new addition to Pipe Dream’s illustrious Opinion staff. Show him some love, send a letter about his column.