Well kids, it’s that time of the year again — time for report cards! The semester’s just about over, and by now we all have a pretty good idea of who deserves an A, and who just plain sucked. In the interest of saving our money and your time, we’ve only selected a few subjects we thought were noteworthy enough this semester to be graded. Enjoy.

The College-in-the-Woods residential community: B–

All we seemed to hear about this semester was how students would be better off living in Communist Russia than the CIW dorms. Residents in quite a few of the buildings spent most of their semesters sitting on the floor since they weren’t given common room furniture (and Residential Life and Physical Facilities still can’t quite seem to agree on who should take the blame). Not to mention that in some of the buildings students either had to worry about scalding off their skin or contracting a nasty case of hypothermia every time they showered. Our sympathy goes out to them, but hey, in the end they still have it better than most of the Dickinson students, so we’re giving CIW a B–. (It probably would have been a C if there wasn’t so much damn grade inflation around here.)

The Student Association: C

We’d first like to point out that the SA should be grateful they’re even getting a grade, since they really haven’t done too much for students this year. Aside from making certain student groups miserable with their less than likable financial policies and buying themselves a 40-something-inch flat screen TV (because that’s what the students really needed — a new TV for the SA e-board to enjoy), we can’t think of too much they’ve done that was worth noticing. The one saving grace of the semester for the Association was the successful concert recently put on by the University Programming Board, but it still wasn’t really enough to raise them above a C. We’re hoping you can do a little better next semester guys … we’re pretty disappointed in you.

Mother Nature: Incomplete

OK, woman, we have absolutely no clue what you’ve been doing lately. Your work has just been so inconsistent, we don’t think we can grade you just yet. There’s been a bit too much flooding, but inexplicably little snow … and somehow you’ve managed to go from 70 degrees to what felt like –10 in a three-day span. We’re not really sure if we should be complaining or be grateful … so we’ll just give you an I and see what you can come up with in January.

The BU men’s soccer team: A

Congratulation guys, you were the only thing we could think of that surpassed our rather high expectations. After losing a handful of strong players last year (most notable Graham Munro and Danilo), they still managed to keep up their morale and pull off a great season. The men’s soccer team is this school’s model of athletic consistency, and we were thrilled to see the guys make it to the NCAA tournament. Keep up the good work and good luck next season.

The University Art Museum: B+

The Art Museum managed to do something pretty impressive this year: they got BU students to care about something. Whether or not you agreed with the controversial African exhibit put on by the museum earlier this semester, no one can deny it spurred campus discussion — which is exactly what a museum should be doing. We loved that they managed to kill some of the apathy plaguing this campus. But we do have to say that we think the policies for choosing exhibits could use a bit of a revamping. A more democratic system, such as board of directors or a panel that includes both students and faculty (and a less stand-offish attitude from museum staff) could raise the Art Museum to an A, and we hope they consider that for the future.

SUNY Chancellor: D

John Ryan, the chancellor of the SUNY system, has given us absolutely nothing to smile about. He wants to raise tuition — OK, we don’t really like that, but we could have let it slide. After all, everyone seems to love raising tuition, so that’s nothing new. But Chancellor Ryan crossed the line when he attacked seniors’ Bar Crawl, the only real tradition this school has. We didn’t expect much from you, Chancellor Ryan, but you’ve tried to hit us where it hurts. And for that, you get a D — and in Harpur College, that would mean you’ve failed.