Lock:

New Orleans (-5) over KANSAS CITY: The Saints are so streaky, they either do nothing or they explode for, like, 452 points. They should be able to put together an excellent effort against an absolutely abysmal Kansas City defense. I would advise mothers to shield their small children’s eyes if they try to watch this game, because Kansas City is going to get lit up.

BUFFALO (-5) over Cleveland: Buffalo has to be sick of underachieving, and they’re playing a rookie QB this week in Brady Quinn, who will be good one day. Monday night will not be that night, and Buffalo’s mediocre defense should make it a real rough affair for him.

Minnesota (+4) over TAMPA BAY: Minnesota is looking OK these days. I still claim that the Bucs’ 6-3 record is a sham, as three of their wins have come against sub-par teams (Seattle, Kansas City and Green Bay, who are 7-19 combined). Tampa’s coming off a bye week, which should have given them plenty of time to realize what huge flukes they’ve been. (Sorry, Tim.)

NEW YORK GIANTS (-7) over Baltimore: The G-men are rolling, and that ain’t gonna stop now. Baltimore’s good, but not that good. The Haastile Bottom Line of the Week: Ravens’ rookie QB Joe Flacco will be embedded in the Giants Stadium turf by the end of this one.