Here are your instructions for the week. Save up your nickels, dimes, and quarters. When you go to buy your usual case of Coors Light, take that $3 in change and bring it to Sam The Beer Man on Upper Front Street. Go and get whatever it is you usually need for the weekend. Then, when you’re at the counter, look to your right. You’ll see a small set of shelves next to the office. Look for a purple label affixed to a brown glass bottle, then look for the name “Aventinus.” Buy it. Do not hesitate. Purchase this beer.

This fine, sexy, slutty beer was born in a brew kettle in Germany. Why is it slutty? Cuz if you have $3, she’ll give up every fine flavor she has. She is Aventinus, brewed by Private Weissbierbrauerei G. Schneider & Sohn.

The one thing Germans do better than anyone else (aside from starting global conflicts) is make the most of a bad beer situation. You see, in Germany, there is a thing called the Reinheitsgebot, which in fact is the oldest food purity law. In 1516, in Germany, it was declared that beer could only be brewed from 3 ingredients: water, malted barley, and hops. Only later, when Louis Pasteur discovered that microorganisms were responsible for fermentation, was yeast added to the law. The law still stands, and therefore Germany only has these four building blocks to make a beer from. So unlike American brewers (among others), those who adhere to Reinheitsgebot can’t add chocolate, coffee, chili peppers, raspberries, or any other wild ingredients to their beers.

That is why I feel Aventinus is so impressive. I’ve tasted beers flavored with all sorts of outrageous crap that still didn’t come close to the mastery of Aventinus. This beer is a weizenbock, which means it uses some wheat (okay, those upstart Germans cheated on Reinheitsgebot a little), and all the regular ingredients. It’s a powerful beer, clocking in at 8 percent alcohol. Expect to taste a malty extravaganza of a beer, with intense bready, toasted notes, along with some fruity banana-like flavors. There is a chalky characteristic present due to the amount of yeast used to prime the bottle, plus there are a lot of vinous, grape, and citrus flavors to round the whole brew out. Seriously, if you have an extra few bucks, get this bad-boy, end your pre-game off with it, and go downtown. Your whole night will get better, no diggity.