Recently it has come to my attention that one of the editors for the Op/Ed department here at Pipe Dream has been spouting some anti-Binghamton slurs.

I first noticed this when he said something along the lines of “If you’re not from Long Island or New York City, you’re not from New York.” Needless to say my Townie Anti-Defamation sense was tingling.

First of all, to protect this editor’s identity, I will not refer to him by his name. Instead, I will refer to him as “Liam.”

In a recent column, Liam mentions his experience of first coming to Binghamton and his anxiety over his belief that it was “in the middle of nowhere” and that he had never seen a cow until he came up here.

I won’t dwell long on the provinciality of these statements, but I note that they aren’t unique to him.

I’m not sure where Liam got this notion that Binghamton is in the middle of nowhere. I do concede that it takes a little time to get to the next closest city (about an hour to Syracuse). However, considering the size of our country (3,537,441 square miles) in most situations it takes time to get from one place to another.

But on Long Island, where exactly are you going?

Liam likes to go to 7-Elevens, which are apparently a pleasure destination for the region, but I don’t see how that makes the area superior.

Maybe Liam prefers Long Island because of the uniform requirement. I do recognize that this is a brilliant maneuver for the area. Just like Star Trek, if you observe the color of the uniform you can tell what the Long Islander’s position is (be it science, engineering, command, etc.). Except that instead of a one-piece outfit made in the future, the Islanders’ are fleeces made by The North Face.

Now there is nothing very exciting about uniforms. Perhaps Liam likes the area so much becuase the island is loaded with beaches, and is really the only part of New York with ocean-side houses. But if beaches make an area superior, then that would mean that Jersey is one hell of a place, and that is something I just won’t admit.

Over the course of several nights, I wracked my brain in order to figure out what could raise Long Island to such a divine level. For a while, I found nothing, but then I realize what it could be: proximity to New York City.

At this point I’m going to note that I love New York City (shout-out to Brooklyn) but I wonder why those people who live close, but not in the city maintain such an air of superiority to those who live farther away from it.

This sort of scenario is as if the Canadians or Mexicans were to claim superiority to the rest of the world because they live close to the United States. I suppose it makes sense to rank yourself by your proximity to another area, but what is so superior about your area if just want to leave it for another?

Finally, I would like to note that I like Long Island. I like the beaches, I like Coldstone and I also have some blood in me from the area (my mother hails from Elmont). But I can tell you one thing: East Meadow ain’t nothin’ Liam.

Dan Lyons is a junior English major.