Thanksgiving is already known for gluttony as it is. But when you add Hanukkah into the mix, the holiday feast is doubled. The dining room table will be filled with classics reinvented in ways that will have your arteries begging for mercy. Hanukkah is known for oily latkes and Thanksgiving is known for excess food, so when you combine them, you get the following deliciously excessive fried dishes.
Fry your turkey — Turkey isn’t known for its flavor. There is a reason why we only eat it once a year and, when we do, we cover it in a boat full of gravy. How have folks around the country begun to enhance this creature of American legend? By dunking it in the deep fryer and hoping they don’t burn down the house. They knew this fusion holiday was coming and prepared far in advance. But the technique of dipping the bird in oil wasn’t created so that it would last for eight nights — it was so guests would finish their plates in less than eight minutes.
Make poutine instead of the routine mashed potatoes — Now that half your plate is filled, it’s time to talk sides. Mashed potatoes, even with a stick of butter on top, won’t cut it for this meal. That’s not what the Hanukkah spirit is about. We need straight up oil running through our veins like a human menorah. For this day only, I’m taking a page right out the most un-American thing I can think of: Canada. They’ve been making poutine — a pile of French fries topped with gravy and cheese — for years, and this is the perfect reason to cross the border and bring it on over to the states. The fried potato has been satisfying screaming children for decades with all of its greasy glory. Put some festive gravy on top, and pile on the cheese for a new dish that might make next year’s table.
Skip the pie, go for cheesecake — Finally, we come to dessert. Save the run-of-the-mill pumpkin pie for next year’s banquet. On this day, whip out the deep-fried, beer-battered pumpkin cheesecake topped with caramel and Baileys whipped cream. Alcohol will numb the brain and distract your body’s response to the pain that is about to take over. This dish isn’t necessarily Hanukkah-related, but your stomach will burn for longer than eight nights.
Forget the sweet potato challah and the kugel stuffing — Throw down these recipes next Thursday, and you will be turning some heads and probably some stomachs. Create a tradition that will scare away the relatives you don’t want coming back next year. Whether you’re passed out on the couch or falling over right at the table, have a wonderful Thanksgivukkah — the next one will be in 2070, so let’s push this one to the limit.