The music industry has shared some special songs about sex, love and relationships that truly define these topics in poetic and poignant ways. Other times, however, such songs can be a little cheesy, corny or just plain blatant in displaying these themes.
The Pipe Dream staff has assembled to share their pick for corniest songs about sex that may be entertaining but are certainly something to avoid in the bedroom.
“Let’s Talk About Sex” by Salt-N-Pepa
“This song is honestly classic and extremely catchy, but whenever I think about it now, I associate it with the sing-off scene from the film ‘Pitch Perfect.’ Also, as most early 90s hip-hop songs go, there is a dated quality to it that makes it a bit silly to be played in actual serious situations.”
“Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band
“Have you ever wanted a sex song that gets you so out of the mood you will want to join a nunnery? Have you ever wondered what an R Rated version of the Brady Bunch would look like? Have you ever wanted to know what sexy sounded like in the year 1976? Then I wholeheartedly recommend the softest song in the history of rock, ‘Afternoon Delight’ by Starland Vocal Band.”
“Just A Friend” by Biz Markie
“The vocals are so bad they’re amazing. It’s my go-to song when I need a good laugh.”
“Good Girls Go Bad” (Featuring Leighton Meester) by Cobra Starship
“Cobra Starship’s relevance failed to survive past the early 2010s, but this electric track was one of their hits from back in the day. With a cringe-inducing premise about seducing ‘daddy’s little girl,’ even vocals from Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester — who is actually quite a talented musician — are not enough to save this song from itself. But while it may be a mess, it’s a ridiculously catchy one.”
“Animals” by Maroon 5
“The insinuations are creepy and obvious, but the worst part of it all is Adam Levine’s howl. I can’t think of anything worse than doing a high-pitched, full-body howl for several beats in a song that is meant to insinuate sex.”
“I Just Had Sex” (Featuring Akon) by The Lonely Island
“The song is from the point of view of someone who just had sex for the first time and describes their changed worldview. It is a very optimistic take on sex — that it solves all problems — and although the song is funny, it would certainly be a mood killer to play while having intimate relations.”
“WAP” (Featuring Megan Thee Stallion) by Cardi B
“This is probably the antithesis of songs about sex. While it has an infectious beat and two icons that made the song blow up, the subject matter is just too extreme for me to listen to. While I understand the song’s appeal, it doesn’t work for me.”
“My First Kiss” (Featuring Ke$ha) by 3OH!3
“As the title suggests, it’s about the experience of your first kiss and all the hot and heavy feelings that follow it. The cringe of this pop song lies at the core of its lyrics and the actual kissing noises made throughout the song only add to its ick factor.”
“Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
“It’s a classic. This song is so smooth and jazzy, and everyone knows Marvin Gaye. Jazzy music is already super fun to listen to. This extremely famous man singing smooth jazz about having sex is the perfect background to a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner, and there is nothing like jamming out to a little classic Marvin Gaye. Cringey songs can also be fun, and this is a perfect example of the silliness of the cringe.”